Definitely dorky… And not because I was haha. But I just think the cool kids are more concerned with images and appearances. Childhood is so so so short. I want my kids to enjoy it as long as possible and put the “cool” stuff off until they’re older.

I want my future unborn child(ren) to be successful in life–socially well-adjusted AND a productive member of society. Like a few people have already mentioned above a lot of the “super cool” kids seemed to “flame out” after HS. Have you seen Glee when Finn says “High School Hero, Life Zero”? lol SO TRUE in many (though not all) cases.

I like to think that I was “socially adaptable” during MS and HS–I could relate to people regardless of status or clique and had friends in a lot of different groups–but that didn’t earn me any “cool” points. Quite the opposite, in fact. Not having a clique was probably seen as “socially damaging”–I distinctly remembering a particular jack hole telling me “You don’t have a group because no one wants you” (said jack hole is currently 35 and working at the home town movie theater–and not as a manager–, but I digress). By not having anyone define that identity for me, I was forced to create my own and I truly think that has helped me as an adult—I’ve moved places where I knew no one and forged relationships and took both personal and professional risks–and I think I’m pretty darn successful by most “standards” and I can also look myself in the mirror and know I haven’t compromised myself in order to get there. I’ve had to work hard and I haven’t had anyone “propping me up” along the way, if you know what I mean.

Sorry to go off on a soap box but the “cool kid” bullying was so horrible (slam books, anyone?) and rarely were the kids seen as “socially in charge” also decent to anyone outside of their group. I think that’s why those tight networks stay intact for so long because that type of person/personality has a really hard time entering a new, unknown structure and not automatically being “alpha” (either professionally or personally)

I’m super interested to know if anyone would actually define themselves as one of the popular kids? Or if typical high school insecurity would keep them from thinking they were really as “popular” as everyone else saw them maybe? Just curious!

This is a really tough question. So many factors come into play. I knew a lot of very popular kids who were A+ students, didn’t skip school, didn’t go to college based on where their friends were going, became successful, etc… But then there was the popular crowd that I was part of, that drank, did drugs, skipped school, didn’t go to college, basically made life really hard for ourselves. I wouldn’t mind if my kids were the first kind of popular I mentioned 🙂 I worry so much about how it is for kids these days, growing up even faster than my peers and I did. I grew up in and live in a major metropolitan city. My dream is that by the time my kids are school age, we will live in a smaller town where everyone lives a slower pace, everyone is a little “dorky”, it’s ok to wear secondhand clothes, and children are allowed to have a childhood. Does such a place exist? We are about to move from Phoenix, AZ, to Salem, OR, so I feel like I’m getting closer to it 🙂 The thing that sort of scares me is that I know a lot of this just depends on how my kids are raised, so, it’s a lot of pressure. I hope that they are confident enough to be true to themselves (which I was not), friendly, empathetic, and kind, no matter what kind of crowd they end up fitting into.

My friends and I were the definite nerds in elementary and middle school, and my one of my best friends and I, along with another kid who started out really nerdy, were the only ones from my high school to get into and go to Ivy Leagues. Interpret that how you will 😉

I’m still in undergrad, so it’s too soon to tell how people turned out, but definitely most of the girls and guys who were popular in middle school, who I so envied at the time, did not fare as well in high school.

However, I thought the article was spot on with mentioning that the older kids who hang out with middle schoolers 3-4 years younger than them are generally not going to be the best influences. In middle school, the kids who hung out with high schoolers were seen as SO cool, but then when I got to high school, I realized that hanging out with middle schoolers was definitely a strange thing to do.

Why try to pigeonhole a child before he/she even enters school? Why should anyone care whether or not their child is popular or a dorky person? Why not let them be who they will be?

I was not popular, and those that were ended up PG in high school or in trouble with drugs, alcohol or in other ways. Each is an individual. I say, let them evolve into who they will be.

I’ve got my 10-year high school reunion coming up in September, so I’ve been facebook stalking some old classmates. The popular kids at my school were the ones who were in the honors classes, and did all kinds of activities (they were my crowd, but I wasn’t as popular, because I tend to say what comes into my head). There were also the troubled kids who talked a lot about sex, and were constantly getting into fights. The former group are doing pretty well for themselves, with steady jobs, families of their own, etc, whereas the latter group had children early, have a hard time finding steady jobs, and don’t have steady relationships.

Not sure what to make of it, but these are my findings. I think it depends a lot on the kind of values you instill in your children, and how you encourage them to interact with their peers.

My mom used to tell my brother not to peak in the 8th grade. Clearly she knew how it would end before the NY Times figured it out. However, I thought she said not to PEEK. And I always wondered what there was to peek at in the 8th grade 😉

I was definitely unpopular and awkward in high school, though I may not have been as awkward as I thought I was. In grade 8 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder following a terrible year of bullying and my grandfather having a terminal illness (although bullying was just a trigger, family history and traits were the cause). I will be honest and say I hated school up to year 10 and where I live year eleven and 12 are called “college” and I loved college a lot. It seemed the kids prone to be bullies grew up too quickly (teenage pregnancy, marriage, opting not to pursue higher education) though many popular kids were not bullies and too focused on getting straight A’s to be mean. As an “awkward” teen, I kind of blossomed once I was free of the jail that I called high school, I made quite a few close friends and am just about to complete my final semester towards becoming a registered nurse. But most importantly have managed to learn strategies to cope with having a mental illness.
Great discussion topic.

I actually read a few research articles earlier this year about studies that were done on the concept of ‘coolness’ and as it turns out, there are different ‘types’–cachet coolness and contrarian coolness (at least these were the types defined by the article I read). It was really interesting because the article examined whether coolness was something more than likability or popularity, and one of the studies found differences between coolness and social desirability, which I think is kind of fascinating. In regards to your question, in my experience, I’ve also seen it go both ways. I went to a really well-regarded high school and we had “cool” kids who were brilliant and went to Ivy League and other well-rated schools, and we also had “cool” kids who seemed to experience that social crash a year or two later. I was never a cool kid. I was president of the Latin club, never got asked to a dance, and I’ll never go to a high school reunion. BUT, I’ve had a lot of invaluable life lessons as a result of not fitting in with the “cool” crowd and I don’t feel like I missed out. I’m happy with where I’ve been and who I’ve become 🙂 I think that’s all we can really ask for, right?

I think that a kid/person can be cool, grown-up, popular, wholesome and dorky all at the same time. Or he/she can be a combination of any of those descriptions. I don’t really like putting people into boxes and saying if you’re “cool” and “popular” then you cannot be “wholesome” or “dorky”. I just hope my kid is happy, confident, nice to other people, and has a good group of friends.

I couldn’t possibly disagree more with the commentors who said they want their kids to be cool because it is easier. I say this both as a mother of a middle schooler and someone who was not cool. While not cool, I was smart and had a lot of (not cool) friends. High School and Middle School were fine for me. I didn’t get teased or anything. I was marginally friends with cool kids in class but life should get better and better. My husband and I both have PhD’s now! As the mother of a middle schooler, I can also say that my son would not describe himself as popular at all but he is very happy and life isn’t “hard”. In fact, since he has embraced his nerd/smart kid status, his self-esteem has really shot through the roof. He never gets picked on (ok, he is 13 and 6ft tall…so he towers over the bullies, and he has blonde hair and blue eyes and based on what other moms tell me, girls think he is very good looking). But kids who are cool have to spend a lot of time and energy “being cool” and trying to maintain that status. My son has to work hard in his “competition to see which one of us is the smartest kid in the school”…spending time making sure you get an A in algebra in 7th grade will take you much farther in life than spending time making sure other kids think you are cool. And as far as just enjoying life, the other day my son and his (many) friends were playing Marco Polo in the pool and having a great time while one of the “cool” kids was just standing by the side of the pool trying to make sure his hair didn’t get spalshed by anyone. Sorry about the rant, but there has been much middle school drama in my neighborhood lately and the “popular” kids just seem like a big bunch of losers.