Sleep, Perchance to Stare at You

on October 14, 2012

Cup of coffee, anyone?

I spotted this Pumpkin Spice coffee at Trader Joeâ€™s and immediately tossed it into my cart. Itâ€™s no Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks (of course) but it tastes pretty darn delicious. Although anything in coffee form tastes good after the night that I hadâ€¦

Iâ€™m sleeping on a mattress on the floor of Henryâ€™s nursery for the time being. Although everyone has assured me not to worry about the face-in-the-mattress thing at his age, I am still a bit freaked out by it and wanted to be nearby. He rolled over to his tummy at 4 AM and I watched him adjust his head for almost an hour. He would put his little face into the mattress, wait a minute, realize he couldnâ€™t breathe very well, tilt his head, wait ten minutes, put his face down, and repeat the process all over again. Better than not moving his nogginâ€™ at all! And thank goodness I bought him a breathable bumper â€“ he kept banging up against the side of the crib when he flipped. Without the bumper, he wouldâ€™ve gotten his little leggies or arms trapped (which he did once before during a nap, and the screams were enough to get me in the car and to Babies R Us within the hour). Compound all of this with the fact that I had a blood draw on Friday and that impacted my milk supply. Iâ€™ve been extra pumping to try to build it back up. Basically, I slept like hell. But at least Henry is alive, and I have access to Pumpkin Spice coffee. Right?

Oh, baby. Am I a nervous nelly first-time mom or what?

Breakfast.

Grilled tofu

Scrambled Eggs

Kale

Toast with Earth Balance

Looks complicated but was pretty simple because the tofu and kale were leftovers.

**The story behind the SISTER mug: Many people have asked why I use a Sister mug, as I am an only child. Funny tale: Freshman year of college, I was hanging out with some friends at a frat house. One of my friendâ€™s friends gave me the mug as a gift after I remarked that I didnâ€™t have any mugs in my dorm room. I donâ€™t know why the frat boy had a Sister mug, but it was nice of him to give it to me. Never went out with him or saw him again. Ten years later, the rest is history. If I ever break this mug, I will be so sad.

{ 46 comments }

Katie @ Peace Love & Oats October 14, 2012, 10:10 am
That’s my greatest fear being a mom one day – that something random will happen and my baby will die in his/her sleep. I am going to be anxiety mom just like that, I can tell. I’m sure he will be just fine! And I love the sister mug, it’s great to have random items with good stories behind them
DadHTP October 14, 2012, 10:11 am
” Oh, baby. Am I a nervous nelly first-time mom or what?”

yes – but there’s way worse things to be.
Emma October 14, 2012, 10:29 am
there are baby monitors where you lay a pad under the protective sheet on their bed and if it does not feel any motion, your monitor starts to beep (hopefully that makes sense…I am not sure the brand or what the monitor is actually called..). My sister uses them and loves it because she is also scared of the face down in the mattress sleeping.
- Jen October 14, 2012, 11:57 am
  It’s called the Angelcare monitor. If it doesn’t sense movement (breathing) for a few seconds it will set off an alarm. We used it and loved it. Gave us peace of mind and allowed us to get some sleep. We ran out and bought it after day 2 of baby sleeping in the crib. We were nervous wrecks! We may still have it tucked away somewhere if you want to borrow it. 🙂
  - Tricia October 14, 2012, 12:57 pm
    I have one of those monitors but I ended up turning off the sensor pad bc it kept false alarming. They are really sensitive and I just couldn’t keep jumping up in the middle of the night. I tried to do all the trouble shooting tips and it kept happening. My little girl is 5 months and constantly flips over and face plants all night. I too am sleeping in her room. Up from 1:00 am-5:00. I can relate sadly.
Jenny October 14, 2012, 11:07 am
Btw the baby bumper is a good call. I got my leg stuck in my crib as a baby and ended up in a cast for a few days. The funny part is that apparently the swelling went done so the cast got really last, and one morning my dad walked in to find me holding the self-removed cast in my hand 🙂
Megan October 14, 2012, 11:08 am
It’s okay to be a nervous mama – I would probably camp out too. The good thing is that he’s super strong and healthy it sounds like – that’s a lot of movement for a kid his age :). I can relate to the need for coffee, we had a not-good night too with our six month old (teething!! ahh).
Sam @ Better With Sprinkles October 14, 2012, 11:11 am
The face-down sleeping would freak me out too! It’s your first baby, you’re allowed to be nervous about stuff like that. 🙂
Natalie @ Free Range Human October 14, 2012, 11:34 am
I think it’s probably perfectly normal to be that nervous. I hope you get to rest today!
Kristen Matella October 14, 2012, 11:49 am
My kiddos are nine and seven and I STILL obsessively check to see if they are breathing every night. I don’t mean just go in their room and tuck them in with a kiss…. I’m embarrassed to admit I go in their room, put my hand on their chest, and my cheek to their nose/month, until I’ve witnessed enough breaths to make me feel comfortable enough so I can go to bed. I may have been OCD before children, but motherhood sure does bring the CRAZY out in us, doesn’t it?! One of the reasons we are not having any more children, BTW, is because nighttime was so stressful for me and my husband for many, many years. Between their colic (they both had it and they are 20 months apart), my husband’s nightshift at work, and my anxiety, there wasn’t much sleep had by anyone. I am happy to report we all get at least 8 hours of sleep a night now : )
Marie October 14, 2012, 11:50 am
I’m confused as to how having a blood draw affected your milk supply? Usually only a few mLs are taken so I just don’t really get how that would drastically decrease supply.

The sister mug story is awesome!
- Caitlin October 14, 2012, 11:57 am
  I don’t know – its just a theory, LOL. not sure if its rooted in fact or anything. but i got 4 vials taken out and then my supply tanked!
  - Amina @ Furiously Writing October 14, 2012, 5:35 pm
    If you’re finding your supply is diminishing, there are many different types of galactagogues that can be taken or eaten help increase your supply. I have made (and eaten) many a batch of lactation cookies. The La Leche League book Womanly Art of Breastfeeding has some suggestions and in-person meetings can answer your questions. It can be hard to come back from a diminished supply.
  - Allison October 14, 2012, 8:47 pm
    Hey Caitlin! You look fab and being paranoid is completely normal. I wanted to jump in on supply tanking. I know for me, when I was super stressed/anxious, my supply would TANK. I wouldn’t have believed the two could be related until I experienced it myself. I know you said you have been having a lot of anxiety….maybe that could be the source of the tankage? Just a thought! And I don’t mean to give you more anxiety 🙂
SB October 14, 2012, 11:54 am
Hi, Caitlin. Why not just buy one of the baby mattress alarms that alert you if the baby stops breathing? I don’t believe they’re TOO expensive and it would be worth the cost for peace of mind (not to mention sleep!). It was a lifesaver for my cousin who had a tummy-sleeper.
Karen @ Runner Girl Eats October 14, 2012, 12:01 pm
I would be sleeping in there too! There are many things worse than being nervous though. Hope you get a nap in sometime today 🙂
Susan October 14, 2012, 12:42 pm
If that Trader Joe’s coffee is “medium dark roast,” what the heck did you do to turn it white? I know you are off dairy. It really looks strange, but hope you enjoyed it!! Get some rest today…
- Caitlin October 14, 2012, 2:38 pm
  Soy creamer and loads of it.
Anna W. October 14, 2012, 12:50 pm
I love your blog – I always read but rarely comment…but my 14 month old Elliot has shown me just how normal your feelings are. Is sleeping on a mattress in Henry’s room necessary to ensure that he sleeps safely? No. But is it worth it if it gives you peace of mind? Yes. So many things we do as parents, I have learned, are really more for us and our sanity…and even if we end up slightly sleep-deprived, it is better than sitting in a puddle of anxiety while you try not to indulge your instincts. I am a psychologist and I assure you I always think I do “crazy” things as a mom. The good news is that Henry’s time as a mobile but not fully mobile baby is limited and he will soon be rolling all around the crib and you will adjust to his new skills. I think the amazing thing is that your son can have you in the room and still sleep (my son would have “known” and then refused to sleep). I had a video monitor (Summer Infant) and would watch pretty obsessively when he first started face sleeping. Just know if he is on a firm mattress with breathable bumpers and nothing else in the crib (and tight fitting pj’s) you’re doing everything you should. He is so cute…and getting even cuter I think! You also look and seem amazing. Mentally and physically. Congrats on the jeans 🙂
- Caitlin October 14, 2012, 2:38 pm
  Thank you!!
Sandy October 14, 2012, 1:00 pm
Worrying goes with being a Parent..I work in a Nursing home, at 10 pm the weather outside was very windy and raining. My 94 yr old patient was so worried about her 70 yr old daughter, that she was crying. She had been calling her number and no answer for hours, she knew something had happend to her with this bad weather.I kept calling the daughter’s number for hour’s, and finally she picked up,was so sorry but her electricity had gone out and she went to a friend’s. (she normally called Mom in the evening)
I figured out at that point that the minute you have a Child, you will spend your life worrying about them. They are your heart on leg’s…
- Caitlin October 14, 2012, 2:37 pm
  Cute story. 😉
- Vikki October 14, 2012, 7:48 pm
  That is an adorable story.
  - Verlin October 14, 2012, 11:40 pm
    That is very touching and yet somewhat stressful at the same time. 94 years old and still worrying about her “baby”.
Katie @ Talk Less, Say More October 14, 2012, 1:49 pm
Coffee is such a life saver. Drink up, mama! 😉
Aja October 14, 2012, 2:15 pm
I would have been doing the exact same thing. I hope he grows out of this phase and never goes back into it soon!
cristin October 14, 2012, 2:20 pm
Some friends of mine have an Angelcare monitor and they love it. Might be worth looking into.
- Ashlie October 14, 2012, 3:54 pm
  I have a son a week older than Henry. I use the angelcare and have never had a false alarm. I love the peace of mind it gives me.
Heidi October 14, 2012, 2:47 pm
No worries about the sleeping on the stomach thing! My 2nd baby started doing that every night at around 3 months. I asked her pediatrician if I should worry and he said if she turns that way herself, she can get herself out of that position too. So I put her to sleep on her back every night and she’d almost immediately flip onto her tummy. It all worked out in the end…she’s two years old and still a tummy sleeper! 😉
Kara October 14, 2012, 3:12 pm
You are completely normal. Unfortunately I have only just relaxed with my son and don’t obsessively check on him anymore (he’s 17 months). I think “cot death” is always at the back of your mind and when they reach 12 months you definitely feel a real sense of relief!I’m hoping I’m more relaxed from the start when I have another, as it’s mentally and physically exhausting!
Andrea October 14, 2012, 3:49 pm
I was the same way….I was pretty “relaxed” about SIDS until my daugther started rolling over in her sleep at 4 months. It was a good two months of gettting up several times a night to check on her and going on Amazon to research video monitors. I never did bite the bullet and buy a video monitor but I was a nervous wreck until she was crawling…then I knew she was physically capable of getting around in her crib. Hang in there – Henry will be fine but us Mommas need our peace of mind!
Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries October 14, 2012, 4:09 pm
Yum, that coffee sounds delicious! Speaking of coffee, do you notice Henry is affected by the caffeine at all? I’m curious because I plan to nurse, and I LOVE my coffee. (Currently – as I’m pregnant – I’m drinking decaf or half caf.) However, once the baby is born I’m sure I’ll be dying for the caffeinated stuff again. Any thoughts on this issue?
- Caitlin October 14, 2012, 5:17 pm
  No I don’t think he is. But I know many babies are.
Courtney October 14, 2012, 5:43 pm
I have the same exact coffee mug and I think one of my sorority sisters gave it to me! I love it too because it’s nice and big!:)
Amanda @life in bloom October 14, 2012, 6:05 pm
I’m so sorry you are stressing about this! Don’t feel too bad about being a nervous nelly, unless of course your entire life turns into that, ha!
Ali October 14, 2012, 6:44 pm
Some level of worry is essential to ensure infant well being. At times, you really can’t be too careful and sleep safety is one of them.

On other less threatening topics, however (i.e. getting dirty) anxious behaviors might do more harm than good. Anxious parenting has been linked to the development of child anxiety disorders. For a recent review of the research on this, see Drake and Ginsburg, 2012: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22241071.

Readers who are concerned about how anxiety might be their influencing parenting should consider reaching out for professional assistance. A preventive intervention study is on going at Johns Hopkins for those who are in the Baltimore area: http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/child_adolescent/research/CAPS/index.html
Stephanie K. October 14, 2012, 7:00 pm
My son is currently getting 4 teeth at once. At 8 months we had our first family sleepover of the three of us in our bed. He slept but I was awake the whole time bc I thought he would suffocate or roll off the bed!
Becky October 15, 2012, 8:04 am
We have a sleep positioner that was handed down from a family member. Our son is a month younger than Henry and not rolling yet, so we used the positioner from birth just to help him feel more secure and snuggled in the crib. Not sure how it would work to prevent rolling, but you can adjust the width and place it beneath their armpits to hold their trunk. Here is something similar to what we have. Might be worth a try.
http://www.amazon.com/Multifunction-Rollover-Positioner-protecter-Pillow-blue/dp/B008M4XOL8/ref=pd_sim_sbs_ba_7
- Becky October 15, 2012, 8:06 am
  The first picture shows it around the baby’s head, but later pics show it around the trunk. That is where we would place it
Jess October 15, 2012, 9:04 am
Hey, it’s more likely that your anxiety and lack of sleep ate making your supply tank than the blood draw. That shouldn’t have any affect. You may also want to consider pumping for longer than 10mins at a time. Around 4 months your supply should become regulated and you won’t be pumping as much at one time. Ty pumping for at least 15-20 minutes at a time. Kellymom has some great tips too.
- Caitlin October 15, 2012, 9:56 am
  Hey – can I ask you a question about this (I find Kelly Mom to be confusing)? Should I keep pumping past the point of anything coming out? I put for 5, get out 2 ounces each side, and that’s it.
  - Heather October 15, 2012, 2:34 pm
    I pump for at least 15 minutes. I often, but not always have more than one let down. Sometimes, I must pump for up to a half hour until no more milk is coming. I began exclusively pumping when my daughter was a week old bc I had a low supply. I pumped every two hours and took fenugreek for a few weeks, and then dropped the fenugreek and have dropped to pumpiny 3 hours whenever possible and go no more than 6, except for at night. At five months, I began dropping the nig ht pumping. I now last pump right before bed at 10 and then again between 5 and 630. Keep up the good work pumping! It’s not an easy job to do!
  - Jessica October 16, 2012, 7:49 pm
    The recommendation is to pump for 15 minutes or at least 2 minutes after any milk is coming out, whichever is LONGER. Especially if trying to increase supply.
    
    P.S. Ditto that the blood draw is an unlikely culprit of a supply decrease.
Katie October 15, 2012, 11:42 am
I’m not sure if anyone has mentinoed it or not, but there’s a baby montier that detects baby’s breathing….that’s what we use for our 5 month old Roman in stead of the traditional video moniter! 🙂 It’s given us a few false alarms (one last night in fact), but it’s better than nothing. We also have a camera but I only have access through my cell phone, so it’s much less tempting to constantly check that at night. I only look at the video during his naps.
W. October 15, 2012, 4:17 pm
I just posted about this on another blog for a mom who worries about her baby’s breathing at night. After a few restless months of obsessively checking on my daughter’s breathing after she was born, I came across the Snuza (link below). It’s a little portable device that attaches to the baby’s diaper and rests against their belly (via a soft rubber tip). If it fails to sense breathing/movement, an alarm will sound. I SO wish I had this when my kid was first born. Instead I had the Angelcare monitor, which has been pretty good, but gives lots of false alarms. The only false alarms I had with the Snuza was when I clipped it too loosely to the diaper and it slipped off. And it’s great for traveling – it’s portable – and has an amazing battery life.

http://www.amazon.com/Snuza-Portable-Baby-Movement-Monitor/dp/B002WLGV08/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1350330182&sr=8-2&keywords=snuza
Lyndsey October 16, 2012, 9:50 am
I came here to recommend the Snuza. I have a 6 week old and we love it. We don’t have a video monitor but the Snuza is much more helpful. You want to get the Snuza Go, it has a battery that can be replaced at home. It is otherwise exactly the same as the other Snuza.

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