Massachusetts Conference for Women

on December 8, 2011
in Operation Beautiful Events

Lots of estrogen in the room! 

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There’s about 7,000 women at the Massachusetts Conference for Women – it is a crazy event (there’s also a Texas and Pennsylvania version).  I was invited to talk to the Young Women’s group (high schoolers) about Operation Beautiful.  At close to 400 attendees, I think this might’ve been my biggest group yet. 

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But honestly – the coolest part of this conference is listening to the other speakers.  Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Happiness Project, is here, as is Olympian Marion Jones.  In total, there are over 100 speakers! 

 

The theme of the conference is “Live Fearlessly.”  The speaker before me was Barbara Lynch, a chef and owner of eight restaurants in Boston who doesn’t have any formal training and didn’t even graduate high school…. One of the things that she said that really stuck with me was how most people want you to fail because they are afraid of failing themselves.  They’ll trash your ideas, say you can’t do it, laugh at your suggestions… But the key to succeeding is not to listen and just pursue your passion.  I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere. 

 

The other concept that’s been discussed a lot is being authentic.  I think it’s hard to be authentic in the work world…. You’re always trying to anticipate what other people want from you and responding in kind.  One of the best tips that I’ve heard is how important it is to just step away from your daily life and take time to reflect on your true passions.  It’s hard to find your authentic self amongst all the chores and commitments. 

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And major kudos to the conference for this nifty lunch.

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It must be hard to figure out what to serve 7,000 people.  But this meal – a veggie and chickpea salad with greens and a side of chicken and bread – is perfect.  Depending on what you ate, it could be vegetarian and/or gluten-free. 

 

After my speech, I signed copies of the Operation Beautiful book.

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And now I’m chilling in the speaker’s lounge.  I’m going to attend some of the afternoon panels about motherhood.  I figure I need all the advice I can get!

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Have you ever tackled a dream that other people said wouldn’t work out?  What happened?

{ 74 comments }

 

  • julia December 8, 2011, 2:41 pm

    i’m so happy they invited you to speak, that is wonderful!!! 🙂 the conference sounds like it would have been great for me to listen in on too.

  • Cassie @ Back to Her Roots December 8, 2011, 2:43 pm

    One of the things that she said that really stuck with me was how most people want you to fail because they are afraid of failing themselves. They’ll trash your ideas, say you can’t do it, laugh at your suggestions… But the key to succeeding is not to listen and just pursue your passion. I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere.

    Wow. That really resonated with me. Especially the last sentence. Thanks for posting it. ::)

    • faith December 8, 2011, 2:51 pm

      @Cassie @ Back to Her Roots: Second that a thousand times over. What a poignant paragraph, thanks Caitlin!

      • Jen December 8, 2011, 11:45 pm

        @faith: I third this!

  • katie @ KatieDid December 8, 2011, 2:44 pm

    SO many people there wow! Congrats on speaking in front of so many. It’s one of my weaknesses so I signed up for a public speaking class next semester to work on this. Gotta face your fears to get better at them.

  • Angela @ Eat Spin Run Repeat December 8, 2011, 2:49 pm

    Wow Caitlin, I totally wish I was at this conference because it sounds amazing, and so inspirational! Congrats on having your biggest audience ever! I love the topics you mentioned that are being covered – being authentic, finding passions etc. Hope your afternoon is as great as the morning!

  • Amanda December 8, 2011, 2:49 pm

    The Happiness Project is one of my favorite books. I would love to hear Gretchen Rubin speak.

    Barbara Lynch’s quote is really powerful. It’s nice to have validation, but recently I’ve been trying to do more things for ME. And I don’t mean that in a selfish way, but when I do things that are in line with who I am, I find that the inherent satisfaction from the task alone is enough. I don’t need validation for these things, if that makes sense.

  • julie @ peanut butter fingers December 8, 2011, 2:49 pm

    what you said is 100 percent true… be authentic. when i am true to myself and feel confident in my ideas and what i’m putting out into the world, i see the greatest success. it’s when i doubt myself, worry about what other people think and let criticism from others affect me that i suffer. no one can be confident all the time, but i loved this excerpt from your post: “Most people want you to fail because they are afraid of failing themselves. They’ll trash your ideas, say you can’t do it, laugh at your suggestions… But the key to succeeding is not to listen and just pursue your passion. I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere.”

    • Heather December 8, 2011, 4:09 pm

      @julie @ peanut butter fingers: perfect for everything we’ve chatted about, right, J? I almost emailed this link to you once I read through the post but saw you beat me to it!

  • Army Amy* December 8, 2011, 2:51 pm

    Woah! Big group!*

  • Ida December 8, 2011, 2:54 pm

    Looks like a great event! I’ve never heard of the Flex Diet, but it’s a funny juxtaposition to your OB book.

  • Christine @ BookishlyB December 8, 2011, 3:03 pm

    I got into (and figured out how to pay for/finance) UCLA and graduated in 4 years with my BA (I graudated in 2005… this is pretty old news). My father passed away when I was in high school and my non-collegiate mom was left alone to raise 4 kids while decorating cakes and cleaning houses for a living. People tried to convince me to stay in my hometown and go to the a community college, but I refused. So there 😉

  • C December 8, 2011, 3:09 pm

    “I think it’s hard to be authentic in the work world…. You’re always trying to anticipate what other people want from you and responding in kind.” This is completely true and balancing expression of your authentic self with your professional self is a tricky and sometime sad part of being an adult. While working to be successful and advance your career, it’s important to think about were your boundaries are and who you want to be when you get what you’re reaching for. In other words, at what point do you need to assert your authentic self instead of validating something you don’t believe in to get ahead. Because what’s the point of achieving a career goal if you’re not happy with who you had to become to get there.

    • CaitlinHTP December 8, 2011, 3:09 pm

      @C: amen to that.

  • Beth December 8, 2011, 3:09 pm

    I’m a longtime reader/lurker and am at the conference but have missed seeing you so far. Any chance I could catch you to say a quick hello this afternoon?

  • Alex December 8, 2011, 3:14 pm

    My friend helped organize and put this on! So glad you liked it!

  • Lisa (bakebikeblog) December 8, 2011, 3:16 pm

    What a great event!

  • Sarah @ w30 December 8, 2011, 3:16 pm

    Sounds like an amazing conference, and I love the theme. The best things in my life have happened when I closed my eyes and leapt. I went to Rwanda by myself two years ago to do research for my thesis – not with a program or a professor, but totally on my own. And it was the most incredible time of my life. It’s hard to remember that feeling sometimes with day to day life and responsibilities, so what you said about taking time to step away and reflect on your passions really struck a cord…

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:29 pm

      @Sarah @ w30: I didn’t know that about you! How awesome.

  • Julie December 8, 2011, 3:18 pm

    this post really struck a cord with me… i just had to quote you on my facebook “most people want you to fail because they are afraid of failing themselves. They’ll trash your ideas, say you can’t do it, laugh at your suggestions… But the key to succeeding is not to listen and just pursue your passion. I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere”

  • Johanna B December 8, 2011, 3:18 pm

    I’m glad I read this post. I’m also glad I read the article from Huff Post that you tweeted about. I liked what you had to say.

  • Courtney December 8, 2011, 3:19 pm

    I got the opportunity of a lifetime to model a piercing that I’ve always wanted. People said that it was a long shot because I had never done modeling work before but I put my name out there that I was interested and my favorite piercer contacted me, brought me to Las Vegas, and it was a dream come true.

  • Annette @ EnjoyYourHealthyLife December 8, 2011, 3:25 pm

    OH my gosh cool!!! I’d love to hear those women speak. WOW-that is awesome. Congrats on going to such a huge conference!

    SO true–people don’t want YOU to succeed because they’re afraid you’ll take their success. It is a false thing–and we should not believe it!

    I am living my passion–as a fitness professional, personal trainer, health coach, and fitness instructor -plus being a wife and daughter & sister. I wear a lot of hats and juggle a lot, but it is awesome. I love my life! There are some who are jealous, envious, or wish me bad luck, but I try and forget them 🙂

  • Jayhawk Jen December 8, 2011, 3:28 pm

    cool coincidence for me… my sister is part of the team that is putting on this conference and the other two that you mentioned as well. Glad you are having a good time! 🙂

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:28 pm

      @Jayhawk Jen: is your sister Danielle???

  • briana December 8, 2011, 3:33 pm

    a perfectly-timed motivational post to get me through my post-lunch fatigue slump! congrats on the big speaking event, caitlin! it sounds like a remarkable event to be part of and that a lot of really inspiring discussions are taking place!

    one thing i would mention, and i hope i’m not being a “negative Nancy” is that i think there’s a fine line in that notion that most of the rest of the world doesn’t want you to succeed and will trash your ideas, etc. to try to hinder your success. while i absolutely agree the underlying argument, that we can’t look for validation from anyone but ourselves, i also think we really lose something when we live by this notion that it’s essentially us against the world. in fact, i’ve encountered a remarkable amount of incredibly supportive people that have pushed me and yes, sometimes offered criticism, but to just dismiss this criticism as their issues would not be doing them or me justice. i just thought i’d mention this side of it because people have taken so much to that part in the comments section.

  • Katelyn @ Chef Katelyn December 8, 2011, 3:43 pm

    “One of the things that she said that really stuck with me was how most people want you to fail because they are afraid of failing themselves. They’ll trash your ideas, say you can’t do it, laugh at your suggestions… But the key to succeeding is not to listen and just pursue your passion. I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere. ”

    You and Barbara are amazing.

  • Lindsay @ The Reluctant Runner December 8, 2011, 3:51 pm

    People can be such negative Nancys and it can be really hard to tune that out and follow your desires. When I decided that college wasn’t the right step for me directly out of high school, everyone told me that I would never go if I didn’t go then. They were wrong! I’m in college now, started when I was 23, and so glad I waited!
    With every big decision I’ve ever made there has always been someone there to tell me it’s a mistake, which drives me crazy because maybe it is, but it’s okay to make mistakes! I’ve made my share of them, and that’s how you learn. Not to mention that I’ve made it this far in life, obviously I’m capable of making sound decisions.
    I think that maybe this issue isn’t so much that people want you to fail as that a lot of people are sort of paralyzed with anxiety and feel stuck in their lives/are afraid to take risks, so when they see others doing it it triggers some sort of anxiety in them. My MIL is THE WORST. Every decision, big or little, is A HUGE MISTAKE! When I got into my first choice school, she barely got out “congratulations” before saying that it would be a mistake to move to a different city. Even when nothing is going on, she thinks of random things in our life that she’s worrying about. It’s like, pop a xanax lady!

  • Heather December 8, 2011, 4:07 pm

    thanks for sharing what you picked up from the other speakers – I felt a spark when I read them and wrote them down to do some reflective journal scribbling this evening.

  • Dee December 8, 2011, 4:11 pm

    I love what you wrote and shared about not looking for external validation. At least, not basing what you decide to do, on external validation. This is the best life lesson I’ve ever learned. I learned it because of the unusual circumstances I grew up in- too long to detail, but there were so many multiple worlds, and each of these communities took for granted that their way was the right way. But because I bopped between the various worlds, I could easily see this just wasn’t the case. That many different perspectives could be equally valid. Or equally ridiculous. So, it’s up to the individual to follow your own sense of what’s best for you.

  • Katie @ Peace Love and Oats December 8, 2011, 4:53 pm

    I’m trying to tackle one now! People told me going to law school was a bad idea, but I’m almost halfway through!

  • Carin December 8, 2011, 4:57 pm

    I would have LOVED to have attended that conference – those event always breed such positivity and joy! I’m at a major crossroads work-wise at the moment, so the advice to “just step away from your daily life and take time to reflect on your true passions” is really timely and valuable. As always, you’re such an inspiration – a great writer, funny chick and soon-to-be fab mum. I know you don’t need my validation, but just wanted to let you know that you do make a difference and it’s really appreciated x

  • CheezyK December 8, 2011, 5:00 pm

    Hi, I’m curious to know what Marion Jones’ role at the conference was. She’s best known in Australia for some serious controversy surrounding the 2000 Olympics. If she’s been invited to be a part of the conference then she’s obviously moved well past and above all of that and I’d be interested to see/hear about it …

    Oh, and congratulations to you – that’s a big audience and a great honour! Hope you’ve been enjoying yourself.

    • Laura I. December 8, 2011, 9:41 pm

      @CheezyK: I wondered about that, too. I believe she was convicted of a felony not long ago (some kind of fraud) and was allegedly involved in the same steroids scandal that Barry Bonds was. Maybe she’s reformed?????

      • Laura I. December 9, 2011, 10:12 am

        @Laura I.: I looked on line, and maybe it was a different person? Looks like there are two Olympic champions with that name–the track Jones and a tennis-playing Marion Jones.

      • CaitlinHTP December 9, 2011, 10:14 am

        @Laura I.: It’s this Marion Jones: http://www.marionjones.org/

  • colleen December 8, 2011, 5:12 pm

    Love the conference idea and the last concept you stated. So true. Since getting out of college (13 yrs ago) I am still tackling my dream/vision and revising it when needed. Along the way I have always had to deal with nay sayers, doubters, etc. and I have learned that you can’t change their minds or outlook. You can only learn from their fear and doubts and press on. Those people will only hold you back because they are to scared to change or try something new.

  • lauren December 8, 2011, 5:13 pm

    I’d love to attend a conference like that! It was great to read what you took away from Barbra’s presentation. This excerpt really struck a chord with me,
    “I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere.”
    It’s true. SO true, but also so hard not to do this.

  • Elyse December 8, 2011, 5:44 pm

    This is completely off topic, but I finally picked up book one of the Hunger Games at the library…and finished it in ONE day! AHH you were right about it being so good 😀 Now on to book 2!

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:27 pm

      @Elyse: yay so glad you enjoyed it!

  • Jennifer @ Happiness Here December 8, 2011, 5:53 pm

    Yes – pursue your passion. I heard so much negativity surrounding my decision to major in theatre in college. I’m so glad I didn’t listen – now I have a job in my field and LOVE that work usually feels like play!

  • Jen December 8, 2011, 5:55 pm

    I find it rather ironic that your book is next to one that has the word diet in the title 😉 Sounds like a pretty awesome conference! Enjoy the parenting/motherhood lectures!

  • kathleen @ the daily crumb December 8, 2011, 6:01 pm

    wow! this is amazing.

    i was stuck in a terrible corporate law job that i hated. had no plan but knew it wasn’t right for me. one day i up and quit (thanks to the support of my fab hubby) and landed where i am today working with a fabulous non profit. best decision i ever made.

  • Alett December 8, 2011, 6:02 pm

    Again, I wish that I could have heard your talk; I have no doubt that it was awesome 🙂

    re: pursuing your dreams
    Since I was a little girl I wanted to be in the medical profession – either a doctor or a nurse. When I was 9 I attended an open house at a veterinary school & that is when I wanted to be a veterinarian. My parents were in the business field and strongly encouraged me to go in that direction. Throughout high school I told them that I wanted to be in the medical field. They felt so strongly that I couldn’t do it that they paid to have an aptitude test and were disappointed when it pointed towards medicine as a possible profession. You see they wanted me to take the test to prove that I couldn’t do it. When I tried sciences in first year (and did rather poorly) it was only further proof to my parents that I could not hack the medical field. Well after an abysmal first year I did switch to economics and got an undergrad and a graduate degree, but I wasn’t happy. At the age of 27 I took the pre-reqs and applied to my local veterinary school.

    I have been a veterinarian for 10 years.

    And my parents? Well they said “I guess that you were right after all.”

    LOL

    • Jenn@BeYOUatBeMe.com December 8, 2011, 6:17 pm

      @Alett: Congratualtions on listening to and following your heart at the end of the day : )

    • J @ Ess and Jae V2.0 December 8, 2011, 7:28 pm

      @Alett: Waht a great story!! Congratulations to you.

    • Elisabeth December 9, 2011, 5:47 am

      @Alett:

      Love this story!

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:27 pm

      @Alett: ZIIIING!

  • Brooke @ sweats & sweets December 8, 2011, 6:13 pm

    Becoming a pastry chef. A lot of my family members laughed at the idea when I first told them. My own dad was like, “you shouldn’t do this.” Now he tells everyone what I do and where I work because he is overly proud of me.

  • Jenn@BeYOUatBeMe.com December 8, 2011, 6:16 pm

    Yes! Starting a non profit organization and providing FREE services in this economy was looked down upon. But I AM DOING IT!

    • Jen December 8, 2011, 7:47 pm

      *like* This sounds like a wonderful reality to wake up to every day!

      • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:26 pm

        @Jen: Double like!

  • Jess Geier December 8, 2011, 6:17 pm

    I graduated with a masters degree in architecture. This was 6 years after my senior year math teacher has asked me what I was going to college for and then mocked me because “architects need to be smart in the math department”. Just goes to show you that you don’t have to be the smartest to accomplish something you want as long as you are willing to work at it.

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:25 pm

      @Jess Geier: Amen to that. Sweat is better than smarts.

  • J @ Ess and Jae V2.0 December 8, 2011, 7:26 pm

    Oh! What a very groovy place to be! Wish I were there. I think you may have learned the most important lesson as a woman – don’t wait for validation from outside yourself. Work hard and follow your OWN dream.

  • Joelle (on a pink typewriter) December 8, 2011, 8:33 pm

    That conference looks amazing! It looks like it was a packed room – I think it’s amazing how much Operation Beautiful has grown!

  • Emily December 8, 2011, 8:52 pm

    It is so exciting to see that you were at this conference and how much it has grown! I was a part of it during my junior year in high school and it was a much smaller event…woman are really making way! Would have loved to have been there and seen you, looks like you had a wonderful time! Hope you enjoyed Boston 🙂

  • Kath December 8, 2011, 8:56 pm

    LOOOOVE those two pieces of advice!!!!!!!!!

  • Katie of Cabbage Ranch December 8, 2011, 9:32 pm

    The conference sounds amazing! Enjoy!

  • Khushboo December 8, 2011, 11:12 pm

    Be authentic! Love this- stand for nothing and you’ll fall for anything!

  • Elisabeth December 9, 2011, 5:48 am

    The conference sounds fascinating, especially the portions about Living Fearlessly! I could seriously use a dose of that… 😉

  • Rebecca @ Naturally Healthy and Gorgeous December 9, 2011, 7:32 am

    Congrats on speaking to such a large audience! What a great opportunity!

  • Dana @ the Big Fat Skinny December 9, 2011, 8:10 am

    Congratulations on being asked to speak at the conference!

    “I think so often we go through life looking for validation from other people, and if you keep waiting for people to validate you, you’ll never get anywhere.” This is SO true. So much time is wasted waiting on validation from others, when all that really matters is whether you are being true to yourself!

  • Allison December 9, 2011, 8:50 am

    Wow, I wish I could have attended that! Please share some highlights! You should feel so proud of yourself for everything that you’ve done…

    I think the biggest accomplishment that I couldn’t imagine getting over was overcoming my ED. It controlled my life and dominated my thoughts… I am SO HAPPY to have broken that cycle a couple of yuears ago.

    • Dari Marie December 9, 2011, 10:38 am

      @Allison:
      That’s a really amazing accomplishment. Great job!

      • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:19 pm

        @Dari Marie: Agree. You rock.

  • helen @ change comes from within December 9, 2011, 9:50 am

    Running a 10k, running a half marathon. So many people laughed, and scoffed and said I shouldn’t even bother…..

  • Dari Marie December 9, 2011, 10:21 am

    Wow, this post really resonated with me. I just graduated college, and in one of the classes I just finished, I had a teacher who basically put me down every chance he got (a TEACHER!). I’m a musician, and when he asked me what I was going to do after college I told him that I basically want to be a rock star, and I’m going to pursue that dream for a bit while I still can. He kept giving me these smug-ass looks and condescending remarks like “Oh if I had known you were such a big star I would have had you perform for the class!”

    Jerk. I’ll show him. :]

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:19 pm

      @Dari Marie: asshole. be a rock star!

  • Paj December 9, 2011, 10:44 am

    I was there as a volunteer yesterday and it was a great event! I would have liked to see you talk, but I was scheduled be in another session at the same time.

    Just a general note about events like this that might help some of your readers. The ticket price can be expensive (especially in this economy) but if you ever want to go to a conference or event like this, ask the organizers if you can volunteer your time. They usually ask you to stuff registration bags or help out with offering directions – very easy stuff – to attend a FREE conference! Well worth it for anyone who thrives on this kind of motivation and networking, but doesn’t have the cash to go on their own. And as a side note, you’re network will expand to include the conference workers and other volunteers too. Plus, it’s a great thing to add to a resume!

    • Caitlin December 9, 2011, 12:18 pm

      @Paj: Thank you for volunteering!!!

  • Amber K December 9, 2011, 2:17 pm

    I had people that thought I would never be able to lose any weight, let alone the 100 pounds I’ve lost and kept off for three years. I get comments even today about the “inevitable regain” but I assume that they want me to fail so that they will feel better about their own issues. It still hurts, but I try to not let it get to me.

  • Alaina December 9, 2011, 8:34 pm

    What a great event! I love Barbara Lynch. She opened up a restaurant during one of the worst points in the economy, in a Boston neighborhood that was not known for food, and when people told her that she was crazy. It was voted the best restaurant in the US when it opened up. She’s amazing. 🙂

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