Bittersweet

on May 29, 2009

My sleepover with Meghann was so fun! We watched So You Think You Can Dance and talked about the marathon she’s running on Sunday. We discussed fueling options and how I secretly think she’s going to qualify for Boston. 🙂

We woke up at 5:50 AM so I could take her to the airport for her early flight. I think Maggie wanted to go with her to San Diego:

Maggie’s laser beam eyes say: "Meghann, I love you!"

I am so proud of Meghann. It’s kind of crazy to me that she’s going to run 26.2 miles on Sunday — the furthest I ever ran was 15.4 miles and, trust me, that kicked my ass (and my knees). I feel like marathon running is so "mainstream" now that people kind of think it’s not a big deal, but 26.2 miles is CRAZY HARD, and it’s truly amazing that Meghann can do that!

It was hard not to feel bittersweet as I drove away from the airport; I would give anything, anything, anything to be running in a marathon — or even a 5k — this weekend.

I do not know why Fate took away my ability to run. I don’t know why my knees suck so bad. Sometimes, I can accept it more easily than others, but it’s really hard to be in ‘race season’ and not be running. I try to just focus on the positive (like biking! Thank God for biking) and remember all of my wonderful races. Whenever I get sad, I read all of my race recaps and think about how proud I felt at the end of those 13 races. I remember my first half (my favorite race) and think about the time I won a 5K. I remember running in the rain for my second half marathon and beating my 10K goal time. Some people never even get to run 1 race, so I should be grateful for the times my knees did carry me across that finish line.

I just choked up a little writing that! :( Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. I didn’t end for the post to come out so sad, but I feel a little better now that I wrote out my feelings.

Onwards and upwards, shall we?

Breakfast was pretty good — but my stomach feels off.

My oatmeal contained:

A dose of positive reading material 🙂
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup unsweet almond breeze
1/2 cup water
1 sliced banana
Toppings: ground flax, almonds, and blackberries

Actually, I had trouble finishing this bowl — I think I AM getting sick! I’m all feverish and sweaty. I’m going to try to work for a few hours, but I think this might be a sick day. Ugh! I have too much to do to get sick!

{ 38 comments }

sloank May 29, 2009, 4:37 am
Feel better, Caitlin!! Your body is saying “pleaseeeee rest me!” haha… give yourself sick day! You have earned it!!
Anne May 29, 2009, 4:49 am
Aww, Caitlin. I’m so sorry about your knees. I’m struggling with knee issues too, and it’s sooo frustrating. There are times where I’m brought to tears because I can’t understand why my knees are so uncooperative! I’m doing so much– taking all the supplements (I take so many pills I feel like an 80 year old woman), foam rolling, I’ve been through PT and keep up on the exercises, I have custom orthotics, and I’m not trying to run crazy distances! It’s just that kind of “why me” feeling. I know we should be grateful for what we’ve done (and still can do), but it’s so hard not to want more. And when I see other people doing what I want to do so much, it’s really hard.

Sorry that was really long, but I just want to let you know that I understand your frustration and disappointment 🙁 I hope your stomach feels better, and that you don’t get sick! Take it easy 🙂
eatingjourney May 29, 2009, 5:02 am
Take care of yourself.
Stacey May 29, 2009, 5:03 am
🙂 I am so proud of Meghann too, it’s weird because you guys have all these readers and you just put your lives out there, so when something great happens for you your readers feel like they should celebrate too!
It’s amazing how close you feel to each other through a blog!

I totally know what you mean about thinking about the positive. I currently can not run either, not sure if I will be able to again, but at least that gets me more bike rides with my sweetie!
Caitlin at Healthy Tipping Point May 29, 2009, 5:04 am
annie – thank you for your comment!! it is so hard to watch other people do what we want to do. i am legitimately happy for them, but it is still painful because i really do not understand the “why me” aspect of it. i just try to have faith that everything happens for a reason, and i try to stay positive that i can still do many, many other things! thanks again for your message, its nice to know that i am not alone!
spicygranola May 29, 2009, 5:04 am
Caitlin don’t be bummed! You’ll be doing bike races in no time!

I bet Meghann will qualify for boston. You guys are both so amazing
Leah @ Simply Fabulous May 29, 2009, 5:17 am
Caitlin, you are such a good friend to be supportive of Meghann. I know it sucks not to be able to run, but I bet you it made her feel 1000x better knowing this morning when you took her to the airport that she had your support and you were cheering her on. I think that’s what a real friendship is; even when you secretly wish you could be doing what they’re doing you are still there 100% supporting them instead of being negative and bringing them down.

I have to be honest, you (along with other bloggers) have inspired me to do my half in July. I know you can’t run in races anymore, but just know that you inspire people everyday. Just think of how many people who are going to get into biking since you started. People are pushing themselves to the limits (like me) when they read the joy it brought to your life.

Hold your head high.. even if you can’t run anymore- heck, you’ve been there and done that!!
Alison May 29, 2009, 5:25 am
Caitlin – I am so glad you wrote thsi because it’s nice to know that someone else is struggling with the same thing. I was a competitive runner in my teens and a marathoner in my mid-20s, but last year (age 28) I had surgery on my left knee and 18 months later, I’m still unable to run. I have been through months and months of PT, cortisone shots, etc. and nothing helped. I had a really hard time accepting that my running “career” was over and actually got really depressed for awhile. But then eventually I was able to get over it. I started focusing on the things I CAN do, like biking and swimming, and how much I appreciated being able to do those things. Right now I’m 7.5 months pregnant, and honestly, being pregnant has made all of that stuff seem so much LESS important to me. I just don’t care about it that much anymore because just being healthy and taking care of myself feels so much more important to me.
Neely May 29, 2009, 5:32 am
Hey Caitlin,

Morning! I hope you feel better. At least it is the weekend and you can now rest (and watch the Magic kick some ass tomorrow, hopefully)!

I know it is hard to want to run and not be able, but thank God for the bike! You have had a LOT of accomplishments in running that some of us (*raises hand*) will never acheive. I have never made it over 6 miles and now can’t even go 2 without having to stop, for some reason. But hey, I can kick ass in spin class and sweat like crazy on the stepmill. Sometimes I think my body just rejects running. But, unlike you, I never really liked it anyway.

I know you will focus on the positives and have a great weekend. If you feel better and want to link up, call me!

TTYL
Erica May 29, 2009, 5:33 am
What Meghann is doing truly is INCREDIBLE. I hope she kicks some booty 🙂 Hope you feel better!
Danielle May 29, 2009, 5:35 am
Aw Caitlin. I’m so sorry that you’re not able to run right now. I can imagine that being extremely difficult for you, the runner that inspired me to start in the first place. If you give your body the time it needs to heal then I’m sure it will. Fate can surprise you sometimes 🙂 try to stay positive!
Brandi May 29, 2009, 5:45 am
I think it’s awesome that you guys found each other and have become such good friends! You have been through so much in such a short amount of time.

I’ve only run in 3 5Ks, but I know that’s more than some people have done, as well. It’s important to remember what you HAVE done and what you can do next, regardless of whether it’s running or not. I’m so excited to hear about all your future biking adventures!!!
Sarah (Running To Slow Things Down) May 29, 2009, 5:53 am
Sorry to hear about your knees…:(

Last summer I couldn’t run either because of achilles tendonitis. It practically killed me to not be able to run during the summer months. Hang in there, and keep on biking…it was definitely my sense of sanity to be able to still go outdoors and enjoy being active. 🙂

(p.s. sick days are well-deserved sometimes…hope you get some much-needed rest!!!)
inmytummy May 29, 2009, 5:53 am
I have an Obama sticker and an apple sticker.

Maybe you’ll do one of those big bike races sometime soon? that would be fun!
Oh She Glows May 29, 2009, 6:04 am
Sorry you aren’t feeling well girlie!

I couldn’t agree with you more about the comment that marathons are so mainstream now. It is one hell of a long distance and I do think many people forget that or think that just because you run 4 days a week means that anyone can do it…not the case!!
seesaraheat May 29, 2009, 6:04 am
What you said about Meghann is so sweet! I know it must be hard for you though not running too. I am still running but I have severely limited myself to 5K’s only. So seeing everyone do halfs and marathons makes me realize I won’t do those anymore (I never did a full marathon and just one half). Its just too much stress for my body. But its great that you are getting into biking and I’m sure someday you will find something you love just as much as running it will just take time. Have a great weekend, hope you feel better!
Amanda May 29, 2009, 6:27 am
Caitlin,

Your unwavering support of Meghann is a true display of what real friendship is!! I know that there are often situations where I am envious of my friends, but because I love them so much, my happiness for them outshines that jealousy!

I was thinking about you and your running when you wrote that you’d be driving Meghann today. I could only imagine that you would be feeling some sadness, but I do hope you realize that your passion has inspired so many of your readers – including me!! I really do believe that everything happens for a reason, and I think it’s so commendable of you to take your hiatus and find some new loves!

HAPPY FRIDAY!
healthy ashley May 29, 2009, 6:48 am
I’m sure you girls did have fun!

I understand your runner’s sadness! My shin splints took me out for so long (and I still deal with them) that I missed out on so many good runs and races. It really affected me harshly. Now I am picking it back up, but I’ve got to say I think cycling helped me pull through. It’s still a challenge and good workout so it’s easy to sub it from running. You’ve already kicked butt in running- now it’s cycling’s turn!
elliebelle May 29, 2009, 7:12 am
You should do bike races! I bet they are all over the place during the summer months. My dad and brother do them and think they are great! Then at least you would get the rush of competition.
p.s. I hope you feel better!
Niki May 29, 2009, 7:18 am
I hope you aren’t getting sick!! Yay for Meghann this weekend! She will do amazing!! I’m sorry you feel bittersweet about running. But just think, you will be doing that crazy, long bike race soon enough and everyone will be cheering you on! And you will have so many MORE chances to make new PR’s on your bike!!
Sheri May 29, 2009, 7:18 am
I think what Meghann is doing is incrediable! I hope she does awesome!

I also think what you have accomplished is awesome too and very inspiring!

Hope you are feeling better soon! 🙂
HangryPants May 29, 2009, 7:23 am
Well I definitely do not think a marathon is easy and think Meghann is awesome! I definitely think a marathon and especially a half marathon get less and less respect. Or people call you crazy and tell you your harming your body if you run that much.

Anyway, don’t feel sad! Everything happens for a reason and look how much you love your bike! Maybe with an extended running break you will be able to race shorter distances again!
kirsten May 29, 2009, 8:00 am
I hope you feel better!! I totally understand how you feel, I am actually experiencing the same running envy right now because one of my bestfriends has been racing every week and I can’t run more than 5 miles a week without knee pain. Even though I am so happy and proud of her I cant help feeling jealous from time to time.
I saw on your twitter that you made an appointment with a sports medicine Dr, I hope that will help! Let me know if he gives you any good tips! I was thinking that like with Jenna’s shin splints, custom orthotic’s may help runners knee, especially if its occurring because of over pronation (just a guess though, I could definitely be wrong about that.) Also the one Dr. I went to about my knee problem suggested strengthening my thighs as much as possible because it takes pressure off the knee. Good luck! and hang in there, I think running is in your future!!
Recipes for Creativity May 29, 2009, 8:12 am
Maybe you’re getting sick because you have so much to do and your body wants a break? I wish you luck in feeling better!

Also, today when I was briskly walking I passed on older woman (50’s?) who said she wished she could still walk as fast as me. I slowed down and we talked for a while, it turns out she got into an accident skiing and had to have surgery and her knees have never been the same. We discussed how important it is to be thankful for what we do have, and for what we’ve gotten to do. For her, she can still walk, which is a blessing, and had many years of more vigorous activity. For me, I should spend more time being thankful I am young and strong and able to walk briskly, or do aerobics, or run if I chose to.

Your feelings are totally understandable, and it sounds like you’re taking the time to appreciate what you did accomplish and what you still get to do, so keep it up!
Matt May 29, 2009, 8:22 am
Awww feel better! I’m sure you’ll run again!
Run Sarah May 29, 2009, 8:28 am
I hope you get some rest this weekend and recover – getting sick in the summer is the worst. I can understand the bittersweet feeling – I think it’s awesome how you’ve turned your injuries and limitations into something positive and started biking – very inspirational.
Kristi @ Sweet Cheeks May 29, 2009, 8:45 am
I’m so sorry it was a bittersweet day for you…I know that must be tough but you are right; you have so many other things going for you! And biking is AWESOME! Hugs, girlie!
Bec May 29, 2009, 9:17 am
Love Bicycling Magazine!
Meredith May 29, 2009, 9:46 am
You are inspiring… marathon or not.
redheadedjournal May 29, 2009, 9:47 am
I hope you feel better soon!!
Joelle (Chasing Pavements) May 29, 2009, 10:49 am
Oh, gosh-I completely feel your frustration, Caitlin… I LOVE running but cannot run as much during the week anymore as I would like because I super accident prone for whatever reason with my achilles. It’s so hard to have to accept that one of things you love in the world can also evoke such pain from your body, but I’ve learned you just have to celebrate what your body CAN do– and it looks like you’re doing just that! And wonderfully! 🙂
Lauren May 29, 2009, 2:08 pm
I have to split my dinners too! It really stinks. I work at a restaurant and usually go in around 4 0r 5 and dont get off until 9 or 10. Boo. What I have found works well is eat a typical dinner before I go in, and eat what would usually be my afternoon snack (bowl of yogurt or something similar) when I get home. But agreed, I much prefer normalcy.
Taylor May 29, 2009, 2:43 pm
I am so sorry you feel so down. But please try and stay positive – you’re really inspiring me! I too, was extremely into running, and in the middle of training for the same marathon that Meghan’s running when my knees started bothering me. I decided to take some time off, and the pain just got worse, then got a little better, but still hasn’t fully gone away (it’s been 1 1/2 months). I’m not sure if I have your problem, or something similar, but I totally know where you’re coming from with frustration. But you’re definitely motivating me to try cycling. And your views on how our bodies don’t need to go through hours of grueling high mileage runs to feel great really hit home to me. Thank you and good luck!!
circusdreams May 29, 2009, 3:39 pm
Ahh I just typed out a whole long comment and then it disappeared!

Hope you feel better soon!
It’s funny how so many runners get related injuries. If you ever think about giving it another shot, you should look into the Pose Method of Running. There’s lots of articles and videos (free! lol you don’t have to buy the book to figure it out). It basically is the natural human running technique (as we would do if we were barefoot). So you land on your forefoot/midfoot instead of heel striking the ground. I was just introduced to this (I can’t believe I never knew this?!) and I’m not getting shin splints anymore! The way I visualize it is that your body leans forward in a straight line (not bending at the waist but leading with the hips), your knees are bent and then you just ‘fall’ forward naturally onto the forefoot.
The result is a much lighter (and quieter) step, and makes traditional running shoes (you know, thick padded heels) quite obsolete. Instead different muscles (especially the calf) help to land your feet, and because the knees are much more bent, there is less shock on bones in your leg.

*Gets off soapbox*

Sorry this is so long, I just think it’s ridiculous that I had to re-learn how to run the way I was built to, and nobody every mentioned this to me before!

Helena
Tammy May 29, 2009, 5:39 pm
I have the same exact cold symptoms you do. Poor us! Bonded by sickness? 🙂
fashionablyfit May 29, 2009, 5:50 pm
“Some people never even get to run 1 race, so I should be grateful for the times my knees did carry me across that finish line.”

Or run a mile. Or walk a mile. Or walk at all. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to be grateful — I’d probably feel the same way you do.

I don’t run, but I’ve thought about how awful it would be if I couldn’t work out.
Anonymous May 29, 2009, 6:09 pm
26.2 miles certainly is crazy hard… but so is qualifying for Boston. Especially in one’s first marathon. I always tell people they shouldn’t set time goals for their first because the last thing they want is to cross the finish line and be disappointed…
BOBBI McCORMICK May 30, 2009, 12:20 am
I hope you feel better dear, I met your sweet Megs tonight! I promise to take good care of her while she is gone from the sunshine state:)

Were having a bike clinic here in town this summer, I wish you lived closer you would love it!

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