Did you know, back in Colonial America times, the population thought it was a good idea to have a new mom “lie in†bed for 3 – 4 weeks? Female friends and family would help around the house and with the rest of the children. This practice disappeared in the 19th century (but still exists in many places!), and now we’re left with a system that not only pushes moms out of bed… but back to work.
Speaking of going back to work after having a baby, check out this post, which compares US policies to policies around the world. The comments are particularly great. Studies show that being forced to return to ‘normal life’ too quickly can sabotage breastfeeding, impact the mother and baby’s physical health, and trigger post-partum depression in the mother. One in seven American women experience PPD in the year after they give birth. (Source) Remember, we hear a lot about ‘Mommy Wars,’ but THIS is the real war worth waging.
Anyway, I remember going in for my six week post-baby check up. I really, really wanted to be declared “back to normal.â€Â I wanted to run again. I wanted to have sex again. I wanted to hear from my doctor that I’d feel like my old self soon enough.
“You’re all good,†he said. You can definitely run. You can sex again. You are back to normal, he said. I remember feeling rather dubious about everything besides running. I didn’t feel like I did pre-baby, and the doctor’s stamp of approval didn’t magically change anything.
Women Need A Whole Year to Recover From Childbirth, Despite the Fantasy: One British doctor’s study found that the six week mark concept was generally laughable. She interviewed women at the 2 – 3 week, 3 month, and 6 – 7 month mark and found that a year was when women really ‘got over’ childbirth, both physically and mentally. The biggest issue: a lack of postnatal care from professional and support from family/friends.
The article says that our perception of reality is screwed because of all the magazines touting how Mrs. So-and-So got back to her old self 4 weeks after birth. But I think it’s something else, too. Real women rarely talk about the nitty-gritty (occasionally TMI!) details about childbirth and the post-partum period. As a result, we don’t really know ‘reality’ until we experience it, and then we feel like we’re all out of wack with the ‘standard.’ This also means that we’re not sharing post-partum recovery tips!
Here’s our birth story and how long it took for me to return to normal, in so many different ways:
Henry’s Birth Story – Part I
Henry’s Birth Story – Part II
1 Week Post-Partum: I go ‘back to work’ immediately (like, while in the hospital). Thankfully, my job is on a computer, and I really love what I do. Exercise-wise, I can go on short walks around the block. I start taking my placenta pills immediately; I have nothing to compare it to, but I do think this helped me a bit.
3 Weeks Post-Partum: I finally stop bleeding.  Longest ‘period’ of my life. My body is getting over the ‘high’ of childbirth and meeting Henry, and my energy is starting to seriously tank.
6 Weeks Post-Partum: I get the all-clear for exercise and sex from my doctor. I start running again with no problems. Intimacy is impossible thanks to my episiotomy.
11 Weeks Post-Partum: I do a triathlon. It’s around this time that I also go away from Henry for the first time overnight (for a work trip). I feel normal work-wise but my body is still out of wack.
4 Months Post-Partum: Post-partum anxiety is peaking. Feel terrible emotionally; it’s like I cannot possibly juggle everything, and I’m drowning in nerves. This is 100% connected to lack to sleep.
5 Months Post-Partum: After several consults with my doctor, my episiotomy scar is finally feeling TRULY normal, and bedtime activity can resume. Here’s a post about the entire experience (well, not about the bedtime activities part).
6 Months Post-Partum: Back at pre-pregnancy weight. I am thrilled to be wearing my old clothes. YAY BUTTONS AND ZIPPERS!!!!
7 Months Post-Partum: I am just now emotionally recovering from the effects of newborn sleep deprivation. We sleep trained at 5 Months but it took me a while to catch up. I feel like a normal person (as opposed to a zombie) on a day-to-day basis.
8 Months Post-Partum: I finally stop exclusively pumping (Part I and Part II), and that’s when I feel so much of my anxiety and stress slip away. I am really grateful for the option of formula.
9 Months Post-Partum: My linea nigra (the dark line that runs down a lot of women’s pregnant stomachs) finally fades away. I still have stretch marks; they never go away. I get my first post-pregnancy period. My mind and body is extremely happy to be done with the physical and emotional challenges of breastfeeding/pumping. In terms of body confidence post-baby, I am more aware than ever of how awesome a woman’s body can be – to grow and birth and feed a baby is INSANE. Stretch marks ain’t no thing.
11 Months Post-Partum {back to normal}: Feeling calm and happy. I feel like my ‘normal’ self.  Found a good balance in my life.
16 Months Post-Partum:Â I surprise the poopy out of myself by completing a Half Ironman, a goal that I barely imagined was possible BEFORE having a kid.
In conclusion, it took me a handful of months to reach many “Do you feel normal?†markers, like exercise and sex. But there were a lot of milestones that I didn’t realize that I’d need/want to reach – like sleeping and finding emotional balance. So all in all, I’d say it took me 11 months to feel normal again.
Everyone’s experience is different (and I imagine it’s different with more children), but I’d love for people to share their post-partum milestones. Let’s normalize the idea that it takes a while for women to bounce back (and thus we all need extra support, both at home and professionally). If you’re athletic, I’d love to know when you got back to racing; it’s certainly not a contest, but I always love hearing from women who do bad-ass events with young children.
When did you “get over†childbirth?
I have my 6 week postpartum doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I’m hoping the return to exercise makes me feel more like myself. I was put on a modified bed rest in November so it’s been a long time since I’ve worked out (and done other activities for that matter!)