All great questions Caitlin! I too love my lists for work, but I tend to be much less organized when it comes to life and just go with the flow.

Someday in the near-ish future we’ll have kids. Right now I can’t really imagine life with a baby. I work full time + another part time job to make ends meet and I am not as consistent with working out as I would like to be. I would say I’m in between a type A and B person. I always feel this huge pressure to be productive and get as much house cleaning/work out/food prep/family activities as I can do in my one day off. So, in reality, it’s a rarity that I just sit and do nothing on a day off. I feel guilty and lazy if I do this. My husband seems to have no problem at all with taking time to relax for himself. He reminded me the other day that I don’t have to constantly be doing things and that it’s fine if the house is a little messy or I stay in my pajamas the whole day. I see what he means, but I guess I’d much rather feel a sense of accomplishment than guilt. I guess I just need MORE time off, so I can use part of it to do things I need to do around the house AND time to watch old episodes of friends in my lounge pants. How do I get more free time? That is the question.

I hear ya on this! I don’t even have kids yet, but I grapple with finding enough time and often feel like I’m not doing enough, or doing well enough. One thing I often have to remind myself – while you can do it all, you can’t do it all at once. There are seasons in life, and that is ok. Sometimes you have to let go of certain things temporarily, or find a new balance that works. It is always a challenge, but its all in how we look at it – the struggle can either be an annoyance, or a sign that we are growing.

I feel like we live similar lives… our husbands are both business owners, we are both writers who work from home and both have children under the age of 1 and don’t have a nanny.

I completely struggle with the work/life/sleep/fun balance. Even more so now that my daughter is almost walking and getting into EVERYTHING. she also is down to just one nap a day (and doesn’t sleep through the night) so my spare time is limited.

I’ve had to re-evaluate what’s really important to me. I used to put exercise, reading and cooking above mostly anything else. now those things are at the bottom of my to-do list, and I’m actually okay with that. I manage to work out 2-3 times a week. They are short workouts, but again, that’s okay with me. I still cook but it’s nothing fancy, and reading only happens if I’m not so exhausted when I crawl into bed.

My big goals have turned into to keeping my house in order, making sure my work is done, making sure my daughter is healthy and happy, and making sure my husband and I still connect romantically. They aren’t anything major, but this is my life now and I’m happy with that!

I have been going through this lately. My boyfriend and I just bought a house and I also just started a new job that has me working really long hours (I’m a teacher at a high performing high school and we are contracted to be at work from 7am-530pm, with a 30 minute commute). More and more I see myself reworking my goals. I try to have all my work done before I leave work, even if that means staying a little late, so that I can spend 100% of home time with my boyfriend. Months ago, before the new job, I signed up to run the Army 10 Miler. I’ve slacked in my training and I’m going to pay for it this weekend, but I’ve come to realize that, for the time being, I’d much rather do a short jog with him on weekends than spend 2 hours running without him. Priorities have shifted, but that is what makes me a balanced adult. For now, no long races (just short, fun ones!) and more time dedicating myself to being 100% present when I’m at home.

I too am very organized and like to be in control. Now with a 7 month old, and for the past 7 months, I am always feeling very frenzied and hurried. I recently went back to work part-time, and still, I am always in a hurry to do something. Afternoons are rushed to get ready for the next day and play with baby, evenings are rushed to get my own things done and have time to decompress. It’s really hard to find time for everything!
I even think I have it all under control right now, but it’s very busy. Even when it’s quiet, I feel like there is always something I can be doing.
It’s hard! I think that’s just being a parent.

Im expecting my first baby, so this has been on my mind lately! A more experienced friend gave me great advice, and described how she tried to get her head around this concept. First of all, think of it as work/life management, rather than balance. Secondly, think of all the things that you feel you need in your life: family time, work, exercise, phone calls with friends, etc. At some point, you could probably do all of these things each day if you wanted. Find a new timeframe: every three days, once a week, etc, for you to put in all the components that you need to feel whole. Some things might only happen once a month, and that’s ok. I’m a self-employed musician/instructor, and my husband is a grad student, so I know all about burning the candle at both ends to get it all done. But, in the end, I’d rather be a type A minus if it means I don’t beat myself up all the time. I admire you for asking the big questions, and trying to find a way to be peaceful with the life you’re living in this moment. And that is the other thing: everything is temporary! A solution you find now may not fit in the near future. Monitor and adjust; you are doing great 🙂

This is something I think about all. the. time.

I’m a teacher, a grad student, a bride-to-be who is planning a wedding (while in a long-distance relationship, no less). I have a lot of things I NEED to do (lesson plan, grade papers, work on my thesis, plan my wedding) and plenty of things I WANT to do (exercise, spend time with friends, family, and my fiance, read, SLEEP). My life-work balance is never, ever 50/50 (I think that’s IMPOSSIBLE), but I do what is best for me—and what is best for me is ever evolving. Some days I *need* to workout, or else I will explode with stress and frustration. Some days, instead of working out, I *need* to sleep. Sometimes a deadline trumps everything. It’s constantly changing.

The one thing I never compromise on is carving out at least an hour a day for myself. This might be really selfish (and I don’t have children!), but I feel like, in order to function at my best level and not burn out completely, I need to do something for me every day. Whether that is running, reading my book, watching trashy TV, or going to bed early, that time is sacred, and it allows me to be my best self, as cheesy as that sounds.

The local paper had a story on this very topic this weekend. http://m.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/on-having-it-all-women-en74aod-173968151.html
All we can do is give it our best shot. As long as we have our priorities in order, it will all work out.

I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth, Caitlin. I am 6 weeks postpartum, have a mild case of postpartum depression, and I unexpectedly have to return to work tomorrow- I am left wondering how am I going to do it all? I’m having a hard time getting into my new role and trying to remember I am not superman. So, I am definitely looking forward to reading others’ comments and suggestions!

I think these are really important questions to think about. What do you want out of your life and what needs to be done to make that possible? What makes you happy? There are always a million could and should do’s with or without children. Now that Henry’s around, your priorities might shift, but you still need to follow a path that will make you, and your family happy and healthy.

It took me many years to figure this out, but I recently came to the realization that the idea of having a “balanced life”, must have been concocted by the same person who came up with the idea of being a “perfect mom” — both are myths, and both are completely unattainable.

I think that, especially after having kids, there really is no way to “have it all.” I don’t think it’s possible to “balance” all of the demands of life equally. There will always be an area that takes up more time and energy than the others.

At least in my experience , there is no way to get everything done in a manner that doesn’t leave something lacking. I think it all comes down to choosing priorities and managing your time effectively.

As a single mom of 4 boys, I can (without a doubt!) say that there isn’t a day that goes by, that I don’t wish I had a few more minutes (or hours) in the day to check one more task off my list. Rather than dwell on the things I didn’t get done, I try to appreciate things I did accomplish.

For me, I think it’s been a huge life lesson to accept the fact that (at least at this point in my life) I won’t have a balance. It’s just not possible, and I’m okay with that. It was actually a great stress-reducer for me to finally stop trying to find that balance.

I just started reading Sara Avant Stover’s book, ‘The Way of the Happy Woman’ and it definitely covers some of this. It’s interesting so far. You could take a gander at it, you know during all your free time. Hahaha!

During a yoga class an instructor said, “Balanced does not mean symmetrical” and it really stuck with me. It’s very true. For a literal illustration I always think of a scale with a ton of feathers on one side and a ton of gold on the other. The scale would be perfectly balanced, but it certainly wouldn’t look symmetrical or equal.” So I think the answer to “Is a life-work balance one in which you spend equal energy on both?” is No, not unless you want it to be. But that’s the only one I’ve got! Ha!

Well I have to tell you I think you are doing a fantastic job. You always impress me SO much with your productivity and organization. I’m not a mom, but I have been struggling with these same questions lately. I have a FT job, plus I work as a health coach “after hours” and on the weekends, and I blog too. 🙂 I think it’s key to weigh how much something is WORTH IT. Ie, How much effort/time something takes vs. what do I get in return? I’ll take lower paying writing jobs that are easy for me to write and give me good exposure over higher paying jobs that are more labor-intensive. I think you should be a little more choosy and continue to do the things that make you happiest because all in all that will make you be a better mom and wife. Schedule in down-time, too, so you’ll actually take a break (without typing away on your laptop) and recharge your batteries-it will help you be more productive later!

Your post came at the perfect time for me as I (not yet married or a mother but diving into my PT career) am re-evaluating what I give up to succeed at work and how much time I would rather be spending on myself, family, health, and relationships. It’s great to read through everyone’s comments. I think that this is always a challenge for women…espeically those of us (me included) who are so goal oriented!

Embrace the imperfection. I’ve worked full-time as a high school teacher, completed a Masters, I’ve worked part time, I’ve been a SAHM over the lifetimes of my three, soon to be four kids and each time I thought that some other option would provide me with more time, space, balance, whatever. It doesn’t. Nothing is perfect. Get done what needs doing, carve out a little time to do what makes you happy and spend less time dwelling on the balance/googling the balance/talking about the balance and more time living life.

Teaching a lot of post-natal yoga, I see new Mums battle this all the time and to be honest, it’s the constant dialogue and constant desire for some elusive balance that is throwing them out of balance in the first place. So much noise in the brain, too much access to information/other peoples opinions etc. I realise this comment is ironic in light of the fact that I am commenting on a post to some random stranger but I really do feel strongly about this. Turn off the computer, the twitter feed, the phone, unimportant third parties etc, amazing how many more hours you’d find.

I’m also going through a struggle for balance…certainly not quite so stressful as having a newborn, but with maintaining balance now that I’ve started working from home and taking care of family members. It’s been much harder to tend to the other areas of my life when I “could always be working” or doing things for my family. I appreciate these questions so much.

My biggest effort right now is just to live INTENTIONALLY – carefully examining the choices I am making with my time and energy to make sure they are in line with what makes me the most myself. This doesn’t answer all the questions, and it doesn’t add more time to the day. But it helps me make my own choices as much as possible instead of having them made out of distraction, convenience, or habit.

I’m struggling with this myself today…. More towards college and major decisions. I can’t wait to read all these comments… I feel like they will help me as well. I don’t have an answer really, but thought I’d let you know you aren’t alone.

Finding balance seems to be a life-long goal, and one that is always changing to meet our current needs! I’m the mom of twin boys, 4.5 years old, and have been working on balance as well. I’m very goal oriented as well, but I find that I’m much better off setting daily or weekly goals (usually just 1!) than long term goals now. Some days I need to be productive and cross things off my to-do list, so I make that a priority, other days I feel I need to connect more with my kids so I decide to do something extra special with them, or make a point to be okay with the piles of unfolded laundry. I’ve been much more content when I just look at the day at hand and look at my current needs than not looking at a pattern I’m in.

So glad you brought this up because it’s the main issue in our household right now. My husband & I both work full time jobs, I also have a part time job, and we are TTC. The past few months have been crazy with health problems on my end (related to the TTC) and it’s forcing me to take a step back and say out loud “this is not what I want” more often. I signed up for the Wine & Dine Half Marathon and the Disney World Marathon, and won’t be running either of them (traded with a buddy for the after party tickets instead), which is disappointing but REALISTIC – not gonna be huffing it 26 miles in the Florida heat with a bun in the oven (hopefully).

Best short-term advice: Read the “168 Hours” book – I read the whole thing in an afternoon, would be excellent for a plane ride. The author is much like you (fitness oriented, stay at home writer mom, and also very intelligent like you) and I think you’d get a lot out of it. My big time-saver (read: life-saver) is listening to audio books in the car instead of sitting down to read them on the couch – excellent b/c the car is “me” time (not ignoring my husband to read a book), it’s safer than talking on the phone while driving, and more entertaining than Power 95.3.

Also very helpful was making the “List of 1000 Dreams” (one of the activities in the 168 Hours book) – I know you’re a goal oriented woman and always looking to check the next thing off your list, but take a second to remember all the goals you have already accomplished: getting into college (remember how good that felt??), graduating from college, getting married!, getting preggers!, having a BABY!!, running lots and lots of races (didn’t you WIN one at one point?), making cool recipes for pancake truffles, quitting your day job & following your dreams, traveling to Europe… you’ve already done so much in 28 years, so maybe take it easy for a while and let Henry’s goals be your goals (he’s gonna have plenty). Cut yourself some slack 🙂

I love being home with my kids, but it can get crazy and I can get discouraged. I like to think of it this way: I wouldn’t trade this time in my life for anything…except more time. There’s no way around feeling that you’re not as on top of things as you could be. It’s bad if your unmotivated (because you’ll sit down and not get up) and it’s worse when you’re super motivated (because you’ll never get through everything) but at the end of the day, remember if you don’t enjoy how you parent, you WON’T enjoy how you parent, so don’t let your other goals get in the way of that.

I agree with many of the previous commenters. But I would add that priorities should shift–that’s a natural part of life. Right now, I’m working full-time, with a part-time job that takes up a couple of evenings. I have some church commitments. But my priorities are my husband, and my fitness. Right now, I have the time to be able to say that. I have the time to run for 2 hours on a Saturday, and to spend an hour and a half at the gym some evenings. But next year (or the year after), when I have a baby? I can already tell those priorities will shift.

I don’t think goals have to progressively get harder and harder. A goal is a goal, and pride should come from meeting that goal, no matter what it is, or what you’ve done in the past!

Such an awesome post with amazing comments. I need to bookmark so I can get throught the rest of the comments.

I thought when I left my corporate career to start my own business that I would have more “balance” and have more Me time….seems like I am still in the same boat trying to find that happy medium.

keep us posted on the book you ordered!!

I think everyone struggles with balance in life in some way or another. Personally, I’ve been having a very hard time balancing work and life and it’s really taken a toll on my well-being. If it’s not one thing it’s another, right? Thanks for a great post!

I kind of skimmed thru the comments, so don’t know if anybody brought this up already, but I felt like I gained a whole bunch of time when I stopped breastfeeding & pumping. You don’t realize how time consuming it really is to have to be home every 2-3 hours to “unload” until after you don’t have to do it anymore. And I hope it goes without saying that BFing is totally worth it and temporary and I’m just pointing out my experience and something you may have not thought of yet 🙂