Honestly, if it’s something you feel very strongly about (and it appears you do), I would just do it! So you have to deal with your parents saying stuff…just brush it off. If it feels right to you and will make you happy that’s the most important. And yes, pizza and pasta are really good options! Even something with eggs, quiche etc, would be meat-friendly. Good luck! And remember, as long as you are not seriously hurting anyone, never compromise on your values and what you believe in, even for your family!

I agree just do it. I became veggie when I moved to Ohio…talk about strong willed meat eaters!! My office is filled with men, meat eating potato men! Sure I got comments, etc but I just kept going and now 3-4 years later I’m loving it and it’s not even a issue anymore. My boss one day bought breakfast for the office and it was so cute, he got me 2 hashbrowns and a yogurt parfait from McDonalds. HAHA!! I was so proud. Good luck with your journey!!

Great advice Caitlin!

As a Mom I will offer a little advice, but take it as you will since my 3 kids are under the age of 10. Your parents honestly just want what is best for you (and it sounds like they believe the same thing my own parents and in laws believe; meat, potatoes, some times vegetables = meal). I would stop trying to educate them, that is just going to put them on the defensive.

If they aren’t ready to eat *hippie foods* yet, then tell them that you support their decisions, can they please support yours. Tell them that you are willing to cook your meals separately, but be prepared to have to cover the cost on your own, and then that way they don’t have to worry about it.
Just as Caitlin pointed out, you aren’t kicking puppies, just changing your eating habits 🙂 Good luck!!!!

I’ve lived a life of being teased for what i eat and don’t eat. You really have to just do it. Unfortunately they will all wonder why 20 years from now “you look the way you do and are running marathons at 38.” At 17 my parents couldn;t understand why I went and bought canned veggies with no added salt. My reply was “I don’t understand why YOU buy the ones WITH the salt.” Just yesterday my 9 year old asked “why are you the only one in the family that knows about healthy living and is active.” My response… “because I educated myself and did what i thought was best for me.”

I became a vegetarian as a teenager living at home, and I started with more “normal” vegetarian food. One of my favorite dishes after track practice was stuff we already had: whole wheat pasta, tomato sauce, kidney beans, and a scoop of ricotta cheese. Delicious, simple, and everybody eats pasta!

I became a vegetarian at 14. I was the only one in my family and it was hard at first, but after a while my parents were totally fine with it. I didn’t ask my parents to make separate meals for me since that would have been a big burden. There was always salad and a vegetable side at our house, so I learned to make either beans or tofu on the side just for me. My biggest advice though is to just give it time! Parents are just looking out for us. When they see you are making healthy food choices and committed to this lifestyle, they will totally come around!

I am a vegetarian. Luckily when I decided to go veggie as a teen my mum was supportive of my choices. Other people have been more difficult to win over, but many of them have been eventually. The way they were won over was by me just quietly making my own choices and doing my own thing. Eventually people get interested and want to taste something – often they like it. And that leads to cooking meals for people. My meet eating extended family will happily come to mine for a vegetarian dinner now and all enjoy it.

My advice would be that if you want to go veggie just do it. You know the important nutritional things so can make sure its all healthy. Cook for yourself – Caitlin’s advice for meal planning is great.

The whole making them feeling guilty thing is such a bad reason not to do it. How they feel about you eating vegetarian is their choice. If they want to feel guilty for being unsupportive that is their issue to deal with, not a reason to just conform.

If they get interested, ask questions, want to try bits of food or have you cook for them, then do it. Otherwise just do it for yourself.

I thought those were all great ideas. Sometimes you just have to get out there and do it for your parents to understand why it is important.

A couple of years ago I joined a soccer team recreationally and my mom ALWAYS made comments about how “I was never interested in soccer growing up.” and it really annoyed me. I am not the same person now I was then, and this is something I want now, please understand my decision. The longer I stuck with it, the longer she saw that it wasn’t just something I was doing on a whim, but something I really enjoyed and was passionate about.

I remember when I first went vegetarian – it wasn’t too tough for my family to alter the meals so that I could eat them, mostly because the foods we ate weren’t too healthy anyways. My mum would simply separate out a vegetarian portion before adding in the meat.
However, when I went vegan, I learned that I had to do most of my cooking myself. It’s so rewarding, though, when you learn to have fun with food and prepare healthy, delicious meals for yourself. Although they’re far from vegetarians, my family is healthier because of my diet. I like to think I’ve helped facilitate the change 🙂

Maybe start by making a few meals on the weekend for the family (if this is not a stressful time of the week) so it can be more experimental for them than the standard weeknight dinner.

You could also cook your food for your weeknight dinners on the weekend and just eat them throughout the week so you don’t have to worry about your parents feeling either stressed out or unsupportive.

Gosh, I can totally relate. I love the recommendations given here. Don’t expect things to change overnight. Remember, your parents are probably used to feeding you meat since you were a kid, and for some, it’s their way of caring for you. I always feel like I’m rejecting my parents by rejecting their staple foods!

If you’re willing to compromise (sorry if that sounds bad, but it could work), you can reserve eating meat at home for special occassions and be vegetarian when you’re outside the home. Don’t purchase any meat products yourself. This isn’t perfect, but it might work in your situation.

Good luck!

Ohh can I relate. I became vegetarian around the same time my stepfather started the Atkins diet – obviously the opposite of vegetarianism. My mom was very frustrated at me for that and most times I’d end up eating a plate of spaghetti and a side of iceberg lettuce salad. It wasn’t for years that *I* learned how to be vegetarian “the right way,” so in hind sight it’s not surprising my family was not at all supportive. I agree with Caitlin about stop trying to educate your family – when I try to make my mom understand that peanut butter should just be peanuts and maybe salt, no added oils or sugars, she shuts down on me, but instead I just do me, cooking and eating what I want even if that means eating something different than the rest of the family. People get very defensive if they feel the way they’ve always lived is being attacked, so I just don’t talk about it, until someone asks me. It’s not worth it for what you eat to become a constant battle of wills.

Quick food ideas- A can of beans is cheap, quick to open and prepare with seasonings and veggies and have with a carb or a salad, roasted vegetables are usually a crowd pleaser (everyone likes maple-roasted squash, for instance), a bag of baby spinach costs like four bucks and can last a few days in salads and on sandwiches.

Just for positive reinforcement, I do agree with most of Caitlin’s points above, and I’ve found they’ve worked for me. My mom tells me she now always reads the ingredients on packaged foods and always only buys when she can understand what all the ingredients are and why they’re there, and my dad tried out my vegan lifestyle when we were on vacation together for two weeks, and three weeks later he reports that he loves it and is planning on sticking to it! So for all the battles and struggles I had with my parents early on, they’ve come around to see that I’m onto something here. Only NOW do I give them my books – In Defense of Food, The Kind Diet, The China Study. I would have never shared these books with them earlier because they would have scoffed at my attempt to brainwash and propagandize. You just have to live and show that you’re really thriving, and they will come around to see it that way.

I think you gave her some really good advice. Honestly, from age 16 on, both my brother and I cooked pretty much all of our own meals. Sometimes its just easier that way. He wanted nothing but junk, and I ate mostly vegetarian. We also bought a lot of our own groceries, so our food choices didnt cost our parents anything extra. That made my mom a little more accepting.

don’t mind preparing meat for them, consider making meals that your family can ‘build’ themselves, like veggie or meat fajitas or burritos.
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YES! This is exactly what our exchange student does, and vice versa. She is okay with preparing/handling meat, because she is the only one in her family back home who is vegetarian. The few times she has cooked for us, she has made meat dishes, as well as a pasta or veggie dish. And when we make meals, we make sure that they’re either A) partly without meat (pizzas, fajitas, making her a separate smaller pan of whatever it is without meat, etc) or B) no meat (like pasta dishes). Sometimes she will just eat salad and fruits/veggies or beans or something. It works really well. And we didn’t eat that much meat to begin with, so it wasn’t that big of a deal to change our habits a little. 🙂

I think you gave her really good advice. I became veggie at 15 and my dad was much like Christie’s parents. I didn’t give him a choice. I sat down, explained why it was important to me and that I didn’t judge him for it but I would no longer be eating meat. From there on out we planned meals together. I always made sure there was a side that I could modify into my main meal. I also kept easy added things around (pre-cooked beans and rice, sandwich options) that I could add to our main meal without drawing a lot of attention. I think planning meals together and making them feel included is key. I know it helped my dad feel less alienated by my choices.

Lastly, good luck Christie! I know it’s hard to be veggie in a meat centric house hold but you can do it!

I think this is a touchy subject. As a parent, I would have a really hard time hearing that someone told my kid to ignore me (and/or my cooking) and put their food out when I had prepped a meal. That could be a huge insult depending on the culture or family we’re talking about and how much their mealtime means to them. Cooking is an intensely personal and caring thing to do–feelings get hurt easily. I understand the 17 year old wanting to make her own choices, but I feel like that’s a tough call if someone else buys the food. Demanding or choosing one course of action might make other things more difficult, later. Also, I know people are saying “she is almost an adult” but 17 isn’t adulthood. Not by any stretch, and I don’t mean that in an awful way. I teach high school and there’s still a lot of parenting needed even when teens don’t think that’s what they want. There are a million types of parents out there, too. Some parents see food choice as part of their sphere of control. She sounds bright, mature, awesome… but I think something different happens when you’re on your own and you can buy (or not buy) anything you want for yourself–clothes, food, cars, etc. When you live at home and you’re a minor, it could be an area of tension.

I applaud her desire to be healthy. I think there’s also the health of the family to consider. I think as she grows and matures she can make the changes she wants (as she is clearly doing on her own for breakfast and lunch, anyway) and she will be able to live however she thinks is the right way. I think adding a side is the best option, not plunking down an alternative.

I think the important thing is that she is clearly educating herself and trying to make smart choices when it comes to her eating and her relationships. That’s wonderful.

Interesting topic!

I think you gave her some great, honest advice. It seems like most “meat and potatoes” families are the worst when it comes to their children switching to a healthier/vegetarian way of eating. The advice to just do it- cook your own food but make it a ‘community dish’ at the table is great. It would be a great way to introduce healthier foods to the family without being pushy. I also suggest making some veg treats. There are SO many great veg baked good recipes out there (and healthy ones, too!) that it would be a great way to show the family that its not all “hippie” food.

my experience is not with meat but with sweets . . . i decided to get rid of sweets for my own sanity. all things dessert related were just too much for me – i couldn’t have just ONE of anything. i gave up sweets and got some push back from my family. no birthday cake on birthdays? no pumpkin pie on thanksgiving? no ice cream on hot summer days? i was [and still am] asked all of these questions, but i eat a bowl of mixed fresh fruit while others eat cake and suck down watermelon while others eat ice cream in the summer.

it was unhealthy for ME to go down the path i was with sweets, but here i am, 4 birhtdays later, still cake free and my family just goes with the flow.

its not what we’re DOING [or eating], its just that we’re spending time together! my body is still present as birthday celebrations and thanksgiving dinner, but i’m HAPPY and HEALTHY and having a treat, just like everyone else.

I decided to become a vegetarian at age 14 and I am positive my parents thought it was a fad. At first I just cut out meat and ate everything else but soon realized I needed more options. When I asked for a cookbook as a present I think that they began to realize how serious I was. Luckily they supported me and even tried some of my attempts at vegetarian fare and soon I saw that they were buying veggie friendly items without me having to ask for them. I think the key might be for parents to see that you are serious about it and yes, teenagers are capable of making healthy choices as well as ethical ones. Good luck!!!

Well, my experience with other people and my diet is…colorful. I am not a vegetarian, but I eat a lot differently than people around me, so I’ve had my fair share of arguments and fights about whether my eating is healthy or not. I’m in a recovery from some kind of eating disorder, but my food choices were always healthy. When people saw I’m eating enough, and that my food looks good and sounds interesting, they wanted to try it. I suggest you do the same, convince your parents your health won’t suffer, and enjoy your meals. I bet they will want to try them!

I think you gave excellent advice Caitlin! I was in a similar position.. kind of.. last year. My mom has been a vegetarian since I was 5, so it was normal to not eat meat. However, when I found out I was gluten/corn intolerant and also wanted to make the plunge with limited dairy consumption, my family was shocked (minus my mom). My extended family still has some hang ups about it – I’m not sure why. They’re getting open to the ideas that I eat differently though!

Luckily, I had a supportive family when I became a vegetarian. My mom was very supportive about providing vegetarian protein substitutes. My dad didn’t harass me about it, but he clearly never understood my decision. I became a vegan a few years ago, and that was a harder bullet for my family to figuratively bite. My mom was still supportive, and whenever I come home she always has a new vegan dish to try (vegan blueberry cobbler, black bean burgers, etc). I really appreciate it. Other people, on the other hand, often ask me “what do you eat!?!?” as if there are TONS of foods that are naturally vegan. That question is the most frustrating. You ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…you just ate a vegan meal! I’ve come to realize that some people will embrace your decision, and others will never get it. Hopefully, her family will respect her decision because they respect her, but otherwise, anyone changing their diet needs to be proud of their choice and stand by it, no matter what the naysayers do.

I think your advice was great! When I ate vegetarian, I also received similar feedback from my family, but over time they shut up. Eventually people will just accept it and move on.

I don’t have any advice necessarily, but felt compelled to say that Christie, you don’t “sound bitter”- you sound frustrated, and rightfully so. Transitioning into adulthood can be tricky, but I have faith that you’ll navigate your way through and come out happy!

I’m not a full on vegetarian, but my husband and I OFTEN eat vegetarian and our families have both noticed that we do and asked about it. I usually explain that when I am cooking a lot of vegetarian things at home I see it is as a new cuisine to explore, and that it’s not limiting my diet, it’s expanding it. Instead of making the same meat/starch meals again and again, vegetarian cooking has broadened my horizons and challenged me to try new things. I like this way of explaining it because it doesn’t sound limiting, it makes it more of an adventure.

Hi Christie! I think Caitlin’s tips and a lot of other comments I’ve read have covered it all already, but I wanted to add that I’ve been there and you can do it. I’m not currently a veggie, but I did it for 9 years starting when I was 13. It did not go over well with my mom, and looking back I think all she was feeling was being overwhelmed. She had enough to do without having to figure out how to cook differently, ya know? So, I was just left to fend for myself, and even though she never really ventured beyond pasta dishes, she came around. An easy start is to build on things that people already like. If your parents are big on meat and potatoes maybe you guys can make potatoes together, but you can make your own sides to sub for the meat. Good luck!

I was a vegetarian from when I was 7-17. My dad was one for many years and that is why I became one. He started eating meat again when I was 15, but I continued on the vegetarian diet for a few more years until I finally went back to eating meat with my family. They never told me to go back, but I felt bad, so made the switch. However, I did tell them that I would not eat red meat or pork, since they never sat well my in stomach.

Once I started college the following year, I slowly began becoming a vegetarian again. Now at age 20 (almost 21), I consider myself a pescatarian because I do eat seafood and eggs, for now. I am researching a vegan diet right now, but the only thing standing in my way is my love for Greek Yogurt. 😉

There recently was a claymation movie made here in Australia about this very thing. Check out Tegan the Vegan, very timely for your teen poster. I’ve never had any issues with this, my parent would have supported me if I decided to run off and join the circus, vegetarian didn’t phase them. That said, as a mother myself now, it is almost a little intimidating to see your kids so grown up and independent, maybe her parents are struggling with the transition to adulthood.

I agree with the advice you gave. It’s not easy, but you have to do what is best for you–you’re no longer a kid! My parents didn’t eat very healthy when I was growing up *still don’t* and going home from college was always a weird transition. Most of the time I grocery shopped for myself and cooked a separate meal.

I went vegetarian while I was in middle school, and my mom’s biggest concern was how I would get my protein. I read up on the subject myself before talking to her about it (rather than suggesting that she read a book . . . she was busy enough without reading assignments from me!). Also, I think the way you bring it up is important — if you mention ethical reasons, I think people who aren’t vegetarian sometimes feel attacked, like you’re telling them they are doing something morally wrong. Actually, I don’t tell people why I’m vegetarian unless they ask, and then when I answer I always phrase it “for ME, PERSONALLY” and mention that how we eat is a personal choice, and that I don’t push my choice on anyone . . . (so hopefully they’ll take the hint and not push their ideas on me!).

I didn’t live at home when I made the transition to a vegetarian diet but I caught the same flak from my mother. She seriously thought I was going to die! How would I get protein!? And of course, some people really do feel guilty. Maybe they feel like you’re trying to be “better than them” by being healthier, eating a more ethic diet, etc… But it seems like you’re best approach is to just not make a deal of it anymore. Like Caitlin said, just do it. Just make your own veg protein sources and prove them wrong. It’s not a stress and hopefully at some point they will embrace your decision.
Good luck!

xx

I am 31 years old, married, a mother of two girls, been a vegetarian for 8 years now and STILL get crap from my family. They make comments like “I don’t know how to cook your “hippie food” so I didn’t cook anything, be careful because if there’s meat on the table Maria won’t eat a thing (so NOT true), I don’t know what you’re eating these days so fend for yourself, how can you abuse your children and deny them meat when it’s good for them, how do you get protein, aren’t your girls HUNGRY… I just do what I do because I feel it is important. My husband is supportive and that is all that matters. My girls understand what they are and why.

As far as being a teen still living at home I say to take Nike’s advice and JUST DO IT!! You can make suggestions (but they aren’t necessary) or you can just cook for your family and see how it goes. Don’t cook tofu or soy meats at first though. My family STILL won’t eat something if they know it has tofu in it. Make a great meal based on veggies, beans, grains, pasta or cheese and serve it to your family. They will either see that even meat free meals can be delicious and filling or they won’t. In the end it doesn’t matter.

Just be ready to buy your own groceries and cook your own meals. It may be uncomfortable at first because I think a lot of people are extremely sensitive about their diets (healthy or not, vegetarian or not) and there is no reason to cause friction if it can be avoided.

Check out realfitmama.com for a ton of vegetarian meal ideas that are easy to prepare and cheap to buy. Most are even kid friendly (which is an excellent place to start when introducing vegetarian foods to non vegetarians).

GOOD LUCK!! BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!! 🙂

I agree it’s probably a waste of her breath to educate her carnivorous family on why she’s becoming a vegetarian – they probably just don’t care. Last year when I switched to full-time veg, my mother-in-law practically disowned me and a few weeks later it came out that she was worried that we wouldn’t be able to share in all of her age-old family traditions, like bacon & pancakes, turkey at Thanksgiving, etc. because all of her family recipes had meat in them. It took us a few months of me hosting dinner at my house for her (and a few EPIC vegetarian dinners from whole foods’ website – specifically the Moroccan Spiced Chickpea & Lentil Stew) to convince her this was something I was serious about. She is coming around to the idea now of vegetarian grandbabies (!) – it just takes time and you need to understand why they might be upset with your choices, but in the end it’s your choice. When I was a teenager my mom let us buy our own makeup & clothes, so assuming your reader is already doing that, it shouldn’t be too hard for her to get her own groceries.

My family is the same way! It took me going out on my own and moving out to be able to change my eating habits. Sad thing was, I didn’t realize until much later that my parents eating habits weren’t ideal. I made pesto chicken not long ago for my dad and he literally said, “But why is it green??”

I lived in a meat and potatoes family growing up and wasn’t brave enough to become a vegetarian until I moved out. When I returned home I made my dinners myself; they never ate what I prepared because they thought it was “weird.” I have shunned meat for more than 20 years and haven’t regretted it at all.

This is such a hard topic! I went vegetarian a year ago and while my boyfriend (bless him!) and family were considerably accepting of it, I still get comments from my mom like “well… here’s what we’re eating, what will you have?” or “Marie can you cut the (T-giving) turkey? Oh wait you don’t eat meat!” It’ll be these odd comments that I think are more because she honestly forgets or doesn’t know what to do. My dad called me a hippie when I first changed my diet, but he was (seriously) a hippie and a vegetarian for years, so he at least gets it, even though he now thinks it’s unnecessary. Both of them are supportive though, and my mom even bought a vegetarian cookbook and was excitedly cooking from it when I was visiting home for a week last month.
It’s my boyfriend’s family that I have all the trouble with. His father will make snide comments, his mother is a DOLL about it but often forgets, his sister-in-law is okay with it, but his brother is the worst. He seems to believe that he is much smarter than I am and that I won’t understand that he is actually making fun of my food choices through the off comments he makes. Then there’s situations like this: Over Christmas at their parents’ house he asked me “So Marie, you obviously like to eat healthily.” I didn’t know where he was going with this and said, “Um, yeah I guess…” and he waited a while and replied, while laughing, “Well then, what was up with you eating donuts?” I just looked at him funny and said “huh? why wouldn’t I eat donuts?” and he laughed again and said “Well at the apple orchard you ate 3 fried apple donuts… what’s up with that?” Mind you, this was THREE months prior. It completely creeped me out that he was A) watching what I ate and B) SO concerned with what I ate. I simply told him “I believe in eating what I want to eat, and while I want to eat healthy, I just LOVE donuts. I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to eat them.” He seemed pleased with my answer, which actually just annoyed me more, heh.
The point is, people will always have something to say about how you eat. Despite it being such a personal and serious choice we make for ourselves, our society seems to find it acceptable to comment on how other people choose to fuel their bodies. It is an odd world, but all we can do is make the choices that are good for us, body, mind and soul. Your parents may never come around, but like so many other commenters, I’ve found that acting upset, seeming annoyed, or getting defensive or preachy will always backfire. I agree with everyone else: just do it. Eat the way you want to, to the best of your abilities, and hopefully your parents will come around to the idea and see that you aren’t threatening Life As They Know It. Good luck!

Oh, I know exactly how this girl feels. My dad is Dr. Atkins’ biggest fan. When I was in high school, I decided I wanted to become a vegetarian and my parents absolutely refused to entertain it. I was very, very much under their thumb and tabled my personal feelings about eating meat (and so much more). Once I went to college, I went vegetarian and was vegetarian for a few years, but it got too hard for me to sustain a vegetarian lifestyle. I had no support from my parents, no one to help me learn about good vegetarian nutrition, and I didn’t know how to cook. I ended up going back to eating fish and poultry because I just didn’t know how to be a healthy vegetarian and had no help. After nine years eating fish and poultry I have learned to cook and have a LOT more knowledge about nutrition, so I decided to become vegetarian again. Telling my parents was AWFUL. My mom was cool about it, but my dad made snide, backhand comments all throughout my last visit home. In order to smoothe things over I had told my mom not to worry about cooking for me and that I would cook for myself. Well, she took that literally, and didn’t cook any protein for me – but the kitchen was always “full” when I wanted to cook in it. I had side dishes (mashed potatoes and string beans) for Christmas dinner. It’s sad for me to see that there is still no support from my family. I’m a healthy, active, intelligent 29-year-old who is trying to make good choices, and my husband is totally on board. Why should my parents care?

I think that many families make it so difficult because, even if you say nothing about your reasons and don’t preach, they still feel judged. I would have loved to say, “Well, Dad, you have Type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure, and risk factors for heart disease… so is it possible that you don’t have all the answers?” But I said nothing, quietly ate my kale salad (while my whole family – except my hubby, bless his heart) made fun of me. I tried to be the bigger person and realize that they may have issues concerning food that come from a place of deep-seated insecurity and have nothing to do with me. But it’s just as hard as an adult as it was when I was a teenager, to hear my parents laugh at my choices. When I explained to my mom that I have so much more energy now as a vegetarian, she asked me where I got my energy from, if not from meat. I explained that energy comes from complex carbs, and her response was “But carbs are bad!” My parents’ beliefs about food are equal parts myth and social conditioning, with very little factual information to back them up. I just have to do what is best for me.

I wish I knew what to say to this girl. Maybe she can be stronger than me and not wait to tell her parents what she wants. I tabled it until I was in college and still suffered from being uninformed and having no help. It definitely sounds like she has done her homework, won’t make the mistakes I did, and deserves for her parents to respect her wishes. I wish my parents respected mine. And I’m an adult, a married woman, a homeowner and a practicing attorney.

I lived at home when choosing to drop meat. It wasn’t that big of a deal considering my family doesn’t normally eat the same meal for dinner- much of the time it’s a “eat what you want” meal..so I was able to make what I wanted, obviously. But it’s true- family doesn’t need to approve of your diet!

Oh my goodness that cabbage salad sounds divine!!

Thank you for sharing your story Christie 🙂

I miss Mr and Mrs Wangalang-Boyle, also known as Thatcher-Bond

I think you gave her great advice, and it sounds like for a while she’ll be cooking for one. Maybe try meatless Mondays? For a carnivore pleasing vehicles meal my burlattas are always a hit! http://spinachandskittles.tumblr.com/post/2807018058/burlattas